The Legacy of Artukei
by Houston Kelly
Summary: What do Tenchi Masaki, Vash the Stampede, Gene Starwind, Katsumi Liqueur, and dozens of other anime stars have in common? One man. And his name is Artukei. His past is unknown. His powers are unbelievable. And his adventures are unforgettable.
1. Welcome to My World

Author's Note: This is a continuation of my first (and untill recently, only) fanfic. Actually, this is more of a prequel. But you don't have to read that first to know what's going on. This new story has been written for noobs and long-time readers alike. So please sit back, relax, grab a drink, warm up some pizza, laugh, cry, laugh some more, and above all enjoy. And afterwards, feel free to question, comment, and constructively criticize. No Flaming! Thank you.

* * *

**Preface**

This is my story. A story of honor and of betrayal. Of love and of lust. Of good and evil. A woeful story about shattered dreams and how innocence is lost. A beautiful story about powerful friendships and a love that overcame all obstacles. A terrifying story about the darkness that lurks within every soul. A hopeful story about redemption and the promise of a new day. An exciting, action-packed story filled with phenomenal super-powers, evil villains, life or death struggles, climactic battle sequences, big explosions, strong language, partial nudity, and lots and lots of sexy girls!

...ahem

But it wasn't always that way.

**The Legacy of Artukei**

or

**The Otaku Memoirs**

**Episode #1**

**Welcome to My World**

"Three... two... one... Konnichiwah every-peoples, and welcome to a very special video blog! Today we have a man who's gone by such titles as The Humanoid Typhoon and The Sixty-billion Double-dollar Man. By now you of course know I'm talking about the one, the only, Mr. Vash the Stampede!" I was comfortably seated in an easy chair while my guest sat on the sofa to my right. "Say hello to our audience, Mr. Vash." But he was too busy looking around the living room like a foraging squirrel. I looked at the camera and gave a nervous laugh. Then, after checking under his seat, he cast a steely glance at me. "Something wrong?" I asked.

"I was told that there'd be refreshments," he replied sternly.

"Oh, terribly sorry," I said with a broad sheepish smile. "I almost forgot. Ozz, could you bring in the tray?" There was a soft squeak from the other side of the camera and then a small mountain of donuts floated over from off screen and landed on the coffee table. With eyes dancing, the elated Vash proceeded to dig in.

I took a moment to wipe my glasses with the hem of my shirt then looked back up at the screen. "Nice touch with TK-ing the donuts there, buddy." Ozz chirped happily as he hovered behind my shoulder. We both smiled as we relived the Vash interview while it uploaded onto my computer.

Sorry to start this story kinda in the middle, but I have my reasons. Let me get you up to speed, for those of you who don't know. My name is Artukei; that's AR-too-kay. I'm a 6'4" slash 193cm, dirty blonde haired, hazel brown eyed, blood type O+ human being. But I won't bore you with the tech specs. I live in a house in the burbs just outside of Metrolex, the great American city of the Anime Universe. I'm a freelance actor and musician, but at the time this happened I was running a video blog that featured interviews with famous anime characters. Well... famous in your dimension. Here they're just regular people.

The little guy that was running the camera is Ozz. He has a long body like a ferret, a head like a squirrel, light blue fur, big black eyes, little antennae on his head, two tiny front paws, and no back legs. Instead, just two long threadlike tails. He's a Zilder; an alien with incredible psychic abilities. He can teleport, fly, and use telekinesis. He can also read minds and create psychic force fields. He can't talk though, so he and I have a telepathic link. When he does speak it's just coos and chirps that sound like wispy, high-pitched, whizzing noises. Ozz and I are inseparable. Where-ever I go, he goes.

We watched as the interview continued. "So Mr. Vash, let me ask you. What's your opinion on the death penalty?"

"... uh."

"You know what? Stupid question. Forget I asked." Just then, a singular bong rang through the entire house. I groaned slightly, got up from my computer, and headed downstairs. I opened the front door. "Konnichiwah." And on my porch stood a young Japanese lady.

She wore extremely short cut-off jean shorts, a blue and white striped tube top, and a violet haori coat. She had light brown, almost amber eyes and the knot and tassels of a red headband hung on the side of her head through her raven hair. "Justin-san?" she asked.

"HOLY SHIT!" I exclaimed, and slammed the door. My eyes were wide with fear and I broke into a cold sweat. I knew all too well who that person was. Ozz, who had heard the outburst, flew to my side. "That wasn't who I thought it was, was it? It couldn't have been. What would she be..." My query was cut short at the sound of another bong. Ozz made an appropriate Hemingway quote. "Shut up," I replied. My hand cautiously gripped the doorknob and I slowly cracked open the door. I slid my head out and stopped when my nose was resting on the edge. "Hai?" I timidly asked. But the girl was gone. Perplexed, I stuck my whole head out and looked up and down the street for signs of my visitor. Nothing. "I think it's official this time, Ozz," I said as I closed the door. "I've been here long enough that I'm starting to lose it."

Immediately after the bolt clicked, I heard a war-cry. And before I could turn, someone had latched onto my back and put me in a headlock! "Now is that any way to greet your old boss?" they said.

I struggled to get free and fill my lungs with oxygen. "Gomenasai," I wheezed. "Hontoni gomenasai!" My assailant released me and jumped off my back. Rubbing my neck, I turned around and saw the girl. "Makoto-san?! What the hell!?!" I demanded. But she seemed oblivious to me as she observed the foyer's cathedral ceiling and the second floor's banister.

"Nice place," she finally uttered. "Look's like you're doing alright for yourself, Justin-san. This seems like a nice neighborhood too. Must be a pretty safe one for you to leave your back door unlocked."

I had almost forgotten there were people here who still knew me by that name. "What are you doing here, Makoto-san?"

"Just checking in on you. How long has it been, Justin-san? Two years? Since you left, I haven't heard a word from you. You never call, you never write."

"Yeah. You think that'd be a clue."

Let me explain who this girl is. This is Jinnai Makoto. She works as a chef at a ryokan over in the mountains of Japan. I met her a couple years ago when I took a summer job as her assistant. The want ad should've said, "Must be willing to work under a total bitch." I think that sums her up for now. "This conversation going anywhere, Makoto-san? Like, say, **out the door**?"

"Oh c'mon, Justin-san. Why don't we hang out a little? Have some tea, talk about old times..."

"Actually I'm really busy right now." I grabbed her shoulders and started walking her towards the door. "And besides, I've already blocked out all other memories concerning you. So why ruin a good thing?" I opened the door and she turned around and looked at me with a face of true disgust.

"You've got some nerve, Yankee. I come all the way over here to see how you're doing and I barely get a 'hello' out of you!"

"I said it when I opened the door."

"That doesn't count! And speaking of which, cursing at me and then slamming the door in my face?! Don't Americans have any decency or manners? Or is that kind of greeting typical over here?"

"Well, maybe you're just special." I started to lightly shove her.

"You know what I'm gonna do now?" she said, barring herself between the door and the entry way. "I'm going down to the city courthouse and I'm gonna file a civic complaint against you!"

"Civic complaint," I scoffed. "You're not even a citizen! Now if you don't mind, I've got work to do." I started to close the door on her, hoping she'd finally take a hint. But her expression turned fearful and she started to pry it back open.

"Nonono wait! Please, you can't make me leave!"

I stopped. Her frantic plea worried me a little. Just a teeny bit. Microscopic actually. "Why not?" I asked.

"I... I...," she stammered. Then she looked down and her voice quieted. "I've got no-where to go."

Oh no! I could see where this was going. "Well, go check into a hotel or something."

"I barely have enough money; I'm almost broke. I used most of it just getting over here to the States." Her distress nearly moved me. "I don't know anybody else here. Justin-san, you've gotta help me." She looked up at me with puppy-dog eyes. Eyes that she knew made me weak. I tried my best to remain stone faced and glanced away without batting a lash. Then she deployed her ultimate weapon. She pawed my arm and whispered to me with deep glossy eyes. "Justin-san. Tatsukete. Onegai?"

I grinded my teeth and cringed slightly. _Oh, I'm gonna hate myself._

-----

As Makoto set her stuff down in the guest room, I leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, just glowering at her. _I can't believe I caved! _"You haven't changed a bit," I growled. "Still using the same old tricks to take advantage of me."

"Well luckily for me, you haven't changed a bit either. Except for the hair and the gut."

I unconsciously scratched my goatee. And I have to confess, I had gotten a little bigger since I last saw her. I leaned my full weight back on to my feet and put my hands in my pockets. "Well, while you're getting yourself situated, I'll be looking for a noose. If you need anything, just ask Ozz."

"Oh, don't give me that talk, Yankee. This'll be fun. Just like old times."

"Right! That's why I'm getting the aforementioned **noose.**"

She put down the bag she was holding and walked up to me. "Would you quit being a such a grouch about this? It's only until I find somewhere else. I'll be gone before you know it." She patted me lightly on the shoulder. "Genki dashite. Ne?" she smiled. Sensing my reluctance, she pulled me down just a little bit and gave me a soft peck on the cheek. My eyes grew a little in surprise and I blushed slightly. I'd never seen Makoto act like this before. Maybe she had changed a little. She started to go back to unpacking. "Oh! One more thing." Then she approached me again. She got right in front of me, looked me squarely in the eyes,... and slapped me in the face! As I rubbed my left cheek in shock, she gave me a familiar mischievous grin. "That's for earlier," she said coolly, and closed the door.

_Then again, maybe not._

Walking back to my room, I heaved a deep sigh. _No matter how much I run, my past just keeps comin' back to me._

_You know the old saying,_ Ozz said, _those who forget the past..._

_So-nan-dayone! I've heard it before,_ I blurted irritably. _Maybe I should've just stayed home._

Let me explain one more thing. And this is crucial. Now, I'm human just like you. I was born and raised in your dimension; the plane you call "reality". I look like any other twenty-something you'd see working for minimum wage. But there's just one difference. See, I've been gifted with the ability of inter-dimensional teleportation. I can travel from one world to another with a single thought. Even worlds created entirely by human imagination. We call it "rifting". We are Rifters. Who's we? You'll find out soon enough.

The situation was out of my hands now. I had already agreed that Makoto could stay so I couldn't throw her out. I'm a man of honor and of my word. But she did say it was only temporary. Maybe she was right. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I just needed to keep my hopes up. _Maybe with luck she'll get deported,_ I smiled sinisterly.

Ozz sighed in spite of my cynicism. _Is it really going to be that bad?_

_Ozz. Two years ago, that girl made my life a living hell! You know. You were there. And now, it's going to happen all over again. I just know it._

_Well, if you didn't want her to stay here, why didn't you just give her some money?_

_I'll give money to crack addicts before I give any to that person._

Ozz furrowed his brow in distaste. _Oh now, you know that's not true._

He was right. I know this looks bad, but back then, Makoto just had a tendency to bring out the ugly in me. I'm no heartless prick. Far from it, actually. I'd never turn someone away if they needed my help. Even if I didn't really like them that much. I groaned as I massaged my temples. "I need to take my mind off all this." I stepped into my room and sat back down at my desk. The video had finished uploading so I closed the program and opened my e-mail account. "Let's see. Ebay watch notice,... low rates on blah blah blah,... Hey! Masaki! Haven't heard from him in ages." I clicked open the letter.

_Hey Justin,_

_How are you doing? Washu told us all about the interview last week. We all think it would be great if you could come over and visit sometime. We haven't seen you in forever and some of the girls really miss you. And well, I do to. Feel free to drop by anytime. You know our door is always open to you. Hope to see you soon. Mata ne!_

_Your bro,_

_Masaki Tenchi_

I leaned my chair back and smiled easily. "Now that's more like it. It really **has** been forever since I've seen them all." My face slowly became more pensive with a hint of remorse as I realized just how long I'd been away from the world; from my friends. I took in a deep breath. Then I smirked as I chuckled to myself. "I guess it's contagious. Maybe having my past catch up to me isn't so bad afterall." I stared at my e-mail screen for several seconds, then sat upright, clicked the "compose" tab and started typing. _Well, as long as I'm in a good mood._

_Dear Miss Aisha Clan-clan_

_I run a website that hosts interviews with extraordinary individuals such as yourself. I've heard about your adventures with the crew of the Outlaw Star and would be delighted to meet you and share a moment with you in person. Please respond to this as soon as possible so I can relay to you further information. Thank you for your time._

_Sincerely,_

_Artukei_

"Who's Aisha?"

"BWAAAA!!" Clutching my chest, I turned around and saw the hell-raiser standing right behind me.

"Gomen," she said. But her giggling made it sound less sincere. "Hey, Justin-san. I'm getting kinda hungry and I noticed that you have a karaoke machine downstairs. How about we have a little welcoming party tonight?"

With my teeth gritting and my fist clenched, I regained my composure. Then totally ignoring her request I said, "Makoto-san, if you're going to stay here there's going to be a few ground rules. The first is '**Stay out of my room.**' Other than that, you're free to go anywhere. Just, you know, don't break anything." I really couldn't care less about what happened to her.

Makoto sighed. "Well, **you** sure know how to make a foreign girl feel at home." With that, she turned around and walked out.

She was right. I had to admit that so far I **had **been a pretty terrible host. Yeah, I know. She sent me on a guilt trip. I got up and stepped into the hall. Makoto was just about to turn the corner to the guest room. "Hey," I called. She stopped and looked back. "You like teriyaki chicken, right?" I flashed a friendly smile. The first all day. She returned my smile and nodded. See? I **am** a nice guy.

She added, "With steamed rice, grilled vegetables, and saké sautéed mushrooms." My eyes grew in surprise at this one-eighty. Then she clapped her hands and smirked. "Hayaku! Chop chop!" She looked like a princess giving orders to a servant. I opened my mouth to say something, but she'd already left for her room.

_Wait. Did she just set me up?! _Man, did this girl know how to play me! If I didn't know better, I'd think all my exes got together and wrote my operator's manual. "How to Manipulate a Cynical Yet Soft-hearted Geek!" Now available in paperback! Once again, my tender heart had fallen prey to Makoto-san's wiles. I glanced back at Ozz who was lying on my bed. _Welcome to my hell._

* * *

**Episode #2**

**KARAOKE PARTY!!**

I had to go to the store to pick up stuff for dinner. I took Makoto-san with me. No way was I leaving that woman alone in my house! Well, that and um... I uh... I didn't know what ingredients to get. When we got back, it was a deja-vu nightmare. I got stuck doing all the work while Makoto just barked out orders. And when she wasn't doing that, she was busy scratching behind Ozz's ears. _How 'bout a little help here?_ I called.

_She's **your **guest,_ he replied up to his eyelids in bliss.

I let out a silent groan. _You're despicable, you know that?_

"You are just too cute!" Makoto squealed. "I didn't know you had a thing for exotic pets, Justin-san."

"Ozz is not a pet!" I hollered.

I was sweating by the time I served the food. When we'd finished eating, Makoto put down her chopsticks and said, "Not bad, Yankee." Even Ozz nodded in approval. "I'd say we make a pretty good team. Don't you?"

My eyebrow twitched irritatedly. "If by 'we' you mean **my** head and **my** two hands, then yes." I got up from the table and took my plate back to the kitchen. As I placed it in the sink, I saw a bag on the counter with a few protruding bottle necks. "We still have almost three whole bottles of saké left," I called back. "I don't know why you insisted we buy so much. All we needed was eight ounces."

Makoto set her plate on the counter and took out one of the bottles. "These are for **after** dinner." She uncorked it and poured some into a small cup. "Care to join me?" she asked as she enticingly raised her cup.

"No way," I said. "Thanks to an episode I had a few years ago in Hinata, and one... very interesting woman, I've learned all about the evils of alcohol. Besides," I said as I opened the fridge, "I'm fine with what I've got." I pulled out a bottle of root-beer.

Makoto snorted and mumbled under her breath, "Hmph. Kechi."

The Japanese dictionary in my head flipped open and I started fanning through pages. I found nothing. "OK. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's an insult." _I'll have the last laugh anyway,_ I thought. _The way Makoto-san drinks, by the end of tonight, she'll be singing karaoke in nothing but her panties._ I laughed demonically on the inside.

Makoto had already poured another cup. "C'mon Justin-san, loosen up. At least share a toast with me." With a peculiar tranquilness, she handed me the other cup. Her friendly demeanor made me wary, but there was something so natural about it that made me feel somewhat at ease. I'd never felt this way around Makoto before. I accepted the cup as if it were an olive branch, smiled, and raised it up. Makoto raised hers as well, then said a toast in Japanese that I didn't understand, and we clinked cups. "Kampai!" we both exclaimed. I'm not sure but I think I heard Ozz giggle.

We moved into the living room and Makoto tossed me the karaoke mike. "Well, start us off, Sinatra." She no doubt remembered that I loved to sing. It was one of my passions to be a professional musician. I sang all the time: in the shower, when I was working, or when I was just bored. In the past I actually charmed many a woman with my voice. It was one of the few things I prided myself on. My voice that is, not my love life! As I fired up the machine Makoto brought the saké in from the kitchen. I started to sing and Makoto sighed with bliss as she downed another shot.

I was finally starting to have fun. Makoto and I took turns singing while Ozz just hovered in the back, dancing in mid-air. We went from Barenaked Ladies to Good Charlotte to Smash Mouth to Beastie Boys to Queen to KISS to Michael Jackson to Red Hot Chili Peppers and everything else in between. We were having a blast! About three hours and almost a bottle and a half of saké later, it was starting to get late. I was just finishing up my turn. "'...singing this'll be the day that I die.' Woo!" I took a bow, completely sober. Makoto on the other hand...

"Oi! Taykit offu!" Her cheeks were flushed bright red. She was totally smashed.

"Makoto, are you alright?" I asked.

She feebly held up her thumb. "Okay!" she yelled and stood up. She took the mike from my hand and walked towards the machine, but before she could select her next song, she wobbled a bit and started to fall back.

"Makoto-san!" I caught her just in time. She looked up at me with dazed eyes and mumbled something I didn't understand. "Makoto-san, dai jobu desu-ka?" I asked.

She smiled and weakly replied. "Dai jobu. Dai jobu yo." She didn't look it. So I laid her down on the floor. She sat up, took off her haori coat, and tugged at her top. "Atsui," she murmured. She was unconsciously flashing me her cleavage. I could feel my face getting warm so I glanced away. Makoto obviously noticed this so she grinned and lightly patted my shoulder. "Ne. Jasuten-san?" I looked back at her. She smiled sexily and put her arms behind her head to accentuate her bust. "Dou? Kire desu-yo?" I felt my face get even warmer and looked away completely. Makoto burst out laughing. "Kawaii!" Then she slapped my back. HARD.

"Ack!"

Then she hugged me from behind. "Mmm. Jasuten-san?" She whispered in my ear and tried to get me to turn around. "Ne, ne!"

I sighed as my face sunk into my hand. "Aw frak." I looked up, reaching for assistance. "Hey Ozz, could you... Ozz?" He was fluttering around like a plastic bag in the wind. "Oh no. Makoto, did you give Ozz saké?"

"Eh?" was all she could say before I heard a "clunk".

I looked and saw that Ozz had bumped into a wall and was now lying on the floor. "Ozz!" I pried Makoto off of me, ran over, and picked him up. "Buddy? Are you OK?" He was out cold. This party was starting to get out of hand. I stood up and declared, "OK, that's it. I'm calling it a night. It's all fun and games until the Zilder loses consciousness."

Then I heard a strange noise from behind me. I looked and saw Makoto on her knees, sniffling and lightly sobbing. "Doshite..." she whispered.

_'Doshite.' Why._ "Why? Well, one: you're drunk. Two: Ozz is drunk..."

She repeated, "Jasuten-san. Doshite..." Then she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Doshite... watashi... daikirai desu-ka?"

Her Japanese was getting as sloppy as mine. _'Doshite.' Why. 'Watashi.' Me. 'Daikirai.' Hate. 'Why... me... hate'? 'Why do you hate me'?_ My eyes widened as I realized what Makoto was trying to say. "Ie, ie! Chigau-yo!" I knelt beside her with Ozz cradled in my arm. I gently put my hand on her shoulder as she sniffled. "Makoto-san, I don't hate you." I didn't like her, but I didn't **hate** her. "Boku ga... Makoto-san o..." I paused as I searched for the correct verb. I sucked at verb conjugation. _'Not hate.' 'Not hate.' What's 'not hate'?_ I used the closest I could think of. "Makoto-san o... suki," I said finally.

Makoto wiped her eyes and looked at me. "Honto?" she asked. I nodded and gave her a comforting smile. She gazed at me for a second as if in a dream. Then she whispered, "Ja. Kisu shite," and closed her eyes and tilted her chin up.

"Eep!" _Did she just ask me to kiss her?!_ I started freaking out. Now normally I wouldn't pass up this opportunity. But she was drunk. I couldn't take advantage of a girl if she were drunk. Not even if they asked for it. And it was Makoto. If she ever found out that I did something like this, she'd kick me in the nads. If I was lucky! On the other hand, what would happen if I **didn't** kiss her? Would she get mad? "Sober Makoto" when she got mad was bad enough. I had no idea what "Drunk Makoto" would do! I debated the issue in my head for so long that Makoto was getting a little impatient. She reached over, grabbed the back of my neck, and gave me a deep saké-flavored kiss. I grunted as I fought for air. "Mmm! Mffmm!" After a few seconds, her grip on my neck became limp and her lips slid off of mine. Then her head slumped against my chest; asleep. It couldn't be a sexy ninja woman! It couldn't be a cute nekomimi! It couldn't even be an average schoolgirl! NO! It had to be my former boss! I turned my head to the side and spat and sputtered like a third grader who just caught cooties. "Blech! Pehh! Uuhgg! Oh, holy Miyazaki!"

We stayed like that for several minutes. Me, leaning against the sofa. Makoto, propped up against me sound asleep. I could've just left her there, lying on the floor. I wanted to. Heck, now that I think back on it, I could've gotten a sharpie and drawn on her face. Oh, that would've been funny. It would've been **worth** the repercussions I'd suffer the next morning. But I'm getting off track. I wanted to leave her there, but part of me didn't. There was just something about her; something new. The Makoto-san from my memories was a demonic taskmaster. A ferocious perfectionist who'd knock me upside the head if I didn't slice vegetables just right. A tough girl who could kick my ass in a fight. She actually did a few times. But as I watched her sleep, she seemed so... delicate; so fragile. And after I witnessed her drunken (and uninhibited) display, it flashed in my brain that maybe that was the **real** Makoto-san I finally saw. All this time, was all that being covered up by just a tough front? Well, whatever it was about her, I just couldn't leave her alone. Call it my gentleman instincts.

I carefully lifted her hair out of her face. I never took a good long look at her until that night. _You know, she's actually kinda cute,_ I thought._ When she's not yelling at me._ I didn't want to commit to it just yet, but for a moment... I almost considered her a friend.

-----

"What... the... hell?"

I woke to these words the next morning. I opened my eyes and saw Makoto still next to me, wide awake, completely sober, and face white. "Ohayo," I uttered.

She looked at me and her face distorted with rage. "What... the hell... do you think... you're doing?" she said trembling. I put on the expression of 'huh?' and she started shoving me away yelling, "Te dokete-yo! Get off me!" Then she punched me in the shoulder.

I backed away giving her space and fearing for my life. "Sorry," I said raising my hands.

"Sorry?!" she screeched. "Is that all you have to say?!"

As I rubbed my shoulder I finally realized... I was shirtless. _Wha... how did...?!_

"Give me that!" Makoto screamed as she yanked something off my head. It was her headband. I didn't notice until then that it was missing.

My mind was buzzing with confusion. I felt like I'd woken up in the twilight zone or something. Then I heard a familiar chuckle inside my head. _Very funny, ya little twerp._ I immediately began to protest. "Makoto-san, I can explain."

"Urusai!" she barked. "You tried to take advantage of me last night, didn't you?!"

Quite the contrary! And technically, **she** took advantage of **me.** "No! I would never...!"

"Kono hentai!!"

BANG!!

I fell onto my side, hands over my boys as they screamed in agony. Makoto stormed out and up the stairs towards her room. Ozz hovered in front of me a few feet off the ground. _Was that fun, ya little weasel?_

_Quite,_ he said cheerfully. _I can't let you humans have all the fun._

_Well, Makoto thinks I'm a total letch now!_

_Don't worry. I'll straighten things out._

_You'd better._ "Oooh." I sat back up. "Hey Ozz, that reminds me. What does 'kechi' mean?"

_It's Japanese slang._

"For what?"

'_Tightwad'_

My eyes widened in surprise. "I'm not a tightwad!" Ozz stifled a chuckle. "I am not!!"

**(End Chapter 1)**

* * *

So, whadidja think? Can't wait for the next one, or would you rather have root canal. Let me know. Either way, I'll be writing more. Ja ne! L8R! 


	2. Weekend at Tenchi's

Author's Note: I do not own "The Legacy of Artukei." Wait. Actually I do. I just don't own the anime titles and characters that are incorporated into it. Well, except for Artukei and Ozz. They're mine. It's a majority of the supporting cast that I don't own. These cast members include, but are not limited to, Makoto Jinnai, Vash the Stampede, Tenchi Masaki, Washu Hakubi, Katsumi Liqueur, Yuki Saiko, Gene Starwind, Aisha Clan-clan, Felicia, Morrigan Aensland, Cammy White, William Guile, Keitaro Urashima, Naru Narusegawa, Sakura Shinguji, Iris Chateaubriand, Major Motoko Kusanagi, Sailor Moon, Abel Nightroad, Alucard, Sho Fukamachi, and Optimus Prime. So if anyone uses Artukei or Ozz without my consent, I'll get very angry and I'll send you a letter telling you just how angry I am.(1) Thank you!

1. exceptions apply to fellow Rifters

* * *

**Episode #3**

"**Everyone Needs a Hobby"**

Based on what Ozz told me later, this is as near as I can figure what happened. A few days after the karaoke party, Makoto snuck into my room. _What's he do in here all day?_ she thought. She spied my computer which was running matrix code like neon green rain. She approached it, wiggled the mouse, and brought up my desktop screen. She brought up the start menu and clicked "Recently Viewed Documents". A list of pics, vids, and audio clips came up. Makoto clicked one of the pics labeled "aisha08" and a window opened showing her a picture of a girl. A rather unusual looking girl. Well, that's at least what Makoto thought. She had tan skin, greenish blue eyes, silvery-white hair that was tied into a long braid, and pointed ears that jutted out from the sides of her head. Makoto's first reaction was 'elf', but when she noticed fangs peeking over the lower lip of her cute smile, she realized she was a cat-girl. _So __**that's **__Aisha._ Almost all of the pics on the list were of her. 'Cept for one entitled "kiyo (sexy)". There was a Word document on the list with Aisha's name on it as well. She clicked it open and started reading. The little bitch. No respect for privacy! _This is the letter he wrote the other day. What, did he save this for later use? How many times has he written this girl?_

Makoto noticed a video clip on the list called "Washu". She clicked it and a window opened showing my living room. I was sitting in the armchair on the right and a girl with long red hair and bright green eyes was sitting on the couch. "Hey there everypeoples!" I addressed the camera. "Welcome to the show! Our guest today has been called the greatest scientific genius in the universe. Some of her past accomplishments have been creating parallel universes, solving the mysteries of the space-time continuum, and curing the common cold. And even though she's over 20,000 years old, she doesn't look a day over 12. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the great Miss Washu Hakubi!"

The girl on the couch smiled and waved at the camera as it zoomed in on her. "Greetings universe!"

"Thanks again for coming, Washu-chan."

She leaned over and shook my hand. "Anything for an old friend."

"So what've you been working on lately?"

"Well right now I'm researching portable wormholes."

"Ah. I see our research hasn't gone by the wayside."

"Nope."

As the clip played, Makoto clicked open my video archive and glanced at the file names. _'J Black'? 'H Yui'? 'worst interview ever!!'? Is this all he's been doing? Just interviewing average people? __**This**__ is why he's so busy?_ Makoto was completely baffled. But I couldn't tell her that where I came from these people were celebrities. Like she'd understand. _Everyone needs a hobby, I guess, _she sighed.

The Washu interview continued. "So Washu-chan," I asked, "how much would I have to pay to see you in a bunny suit?"

Makoto gasped. "Guh!?"

Washu smiled. "Nothing! It's all over the internet."

"Good! That was a trick question." Then I wiggled my eyebrows. "But can we see it anyway?"

"Maybe. If you're a good little boy," she sultrily replied. Then we both burst out laughing.

Makoto rolled her eyes and groaned. "Baka." _What's with these two? Did they used to date or something?_

"So how are things at the Masaki house?" I asked.

"Great! Couldn't be... OH! That reminds me!" She clapped her hands and her face lit up. "Just-... er... Artukei. I have great news!"

"What? What is it?" I asked on the edge of my seat.

Washu cleared her throat, then she clamped her hands together and her eyes got big and sparkly. "I got remarried!!"

My eyes grew twice their size. "You what?! Are you serious?!" She nodded excitedly. "When did... how... Have I been gone that long that I'm **that** out of the loop?! When did this happen?!"

"About a month ago. We tried to invite you but we couldn't get a hold of you."

"Aww, kuso!" I bashed myself in the forehead. "I was in Tokyo last month and I lost my cell. Why didn't you e-mail me or something?"

A sweatdrop hung from Washu's head. "You know, strangely enough, I never thought of that," she said sheepishly.

Now I'd expect that kind of thing from Mihoshi. But Washu? Nevertheless, I was ecstatic. "Well that's great!!" I exclaimed. "So Masaki finally decided, eh?"

"Oh no, not Tenchi," Washu said. "You haven't met him yet. His name is DJ." DJ? I hadn't heard of that character from the anime **or** the manga. But whoever he was, Washu was swooning over him like a schoolgirl. "He's so nice and sweet and fun and oh so cute! You should meet him, Artukei. I think you two'd have a lot in common. Besides, you're waaaaaay overdue for a visit as it is." She wagged her finger at me.

Completely wrapped in our enthusiastic energy, I almost jumped out of my chair and accepted the invitation. But my excitement faded as I quickly remembered something. Or rather some**one.** "I uh... I don't know," I said rubbing the back of my neck. "I've got a lot going on here."

"Pfff!" Makoto reacted.

"I don't know. We'll see," I said. "Maybe uh... maybe a little later. Maybe next weekend. I've already got someone coming in next week and I need to prep."

Washu pouted. "Buu. Artukei-dono hidoi."

"Gomen, gomen," I bowed slightly. "Demo, shiyou-ga-nai desu."

"Ah! I see your Japanese has gotten better!"

"Eh, mada mada," I replied making a shaky gesture with my hand.

"I know what you're doing in there!"

"Eep!" Makoto-san jumped as she heard my voice from downstairs. Quickly she closed the video and all other windows until my desktop was clear. Then she peeked out my door and saw Ozz and I approaching the stairs.

"I know you're using cheat codes," I told him. "You gotta be!"

_There are no cheat codes for Super Smash Bros. Melee,_ he said.

"Then how do you explain Bowser being defeated by Pikachu?"

_I believe they call it 'mad skills'?_

"You wish. We're having a rematch as soon as I check my e-mails." By the time we'd finished conversing, Makoto had sneaked out of my room unobserved and back into hers. I entered my room and, to my surprise, beheld my desktop screen. My brow twisted. "Hmm." I right clicked the mouse and checked my screen saver properties. _It's set to start after 20 minutes,_ I thought. Then I glanced at my watch. "Eh. Whatev," I shrugged. Non the wiser, I sat down and opened my email account; scanning for a particular sender. "... Nothing yet," I sighed and leaned back in my chair; disappointed. "That's the fourth one this month and still nothing." Suddenly, my notepad program opened and my keyboard started clicking by itself! I watched the little window as a message appeared. "Don't worry. We'll reach her," I read. I glanced over at Ozz and he squeaked cheerfully. I smiled. "Thanks buddy."

* * *

**Episode #4**

**Weekend at Tenchi's**

"Makoto-san, oki de."

"Mmmm..."

"C'mon. We gotta go." I was wearing my backpack and had a small duffle bag in my right hand. Makoto-san sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes as the light from the hallway spilled into her dark room.

"Morning already?" she mumbled. Then her eyes flew wide open as she looked at her clock. "Nan desu-ka?! It's 4 a.m.!"

"Right. But it's **5 p.m. **in Japan. If we don't hurry, we'll miss dinner."

"Baka-mitai! I'm going back to sleep!" She whipped the covers back over her head and muttered, "Just as I was starting to get used to the time change."

I nudged her shoulder. Or, I think it was her shoulder. "Makoto, seriously, c'mon!"

She groaned and sat back up. "Why'd you book such an early flight?" she grumbled.

"Who said anything about a flight?" I replied.

She looked back at me with a jaded expression and said, "You're not planning on **driving **are you? Please tell me you're not that stupid."

"I already explained it yesterday," I said. "Ozz is a teleporter. He can have us there in a blink. And stop whining about the hour. Once you taste Sasami's cooking, you'll be thanking me."

Finally, she swung her legs out from under the sheets and onto the floor. "So that's why you were power napping all day." She grabbed some clothes that were lying on top of a pre-packed bag. She had just started to put her foot through the leg of her shorts when she stopped and remembered that she was only wearing her panties and a tank top. Then she shot me a look so sharp it could cut steel.

_Crap! _my inner voice squealed. I whirled around and ran for the door. But I couldn't get out before Makoto had flung her bag at me.

"Sukebe!" she screamed.

--

At around 5:20 pm local time, we appeared in a blinding flash on a roadside in the Japanese countryside. Makoto blinked dumbfoundedly still trying to believe that just a second ago we were in my house. I looked up the road and spied a young man not more than a hundred feet ahead of us. He was a carrying a garden hoe over his shoulder and had a basket strapped to his back. I grinned and then glanced at Ozz. "Excellent driving, buddy." I started running towards the man and Makoto followed. Needless to mention, so did Ozz. About twenty feet away or so I slowed down and called out, "Excuse me, sir. I think I'm lost." He stopped, turned around, and looked at me with confusion is his brown eyes. I smirked pleasantly as I casually approached him. "Hisashiburi, Masaki-san. Ne?"

The man's eyes brightened and an elated smile spread across his face. He dropped his garden tool and quickly walked towards me. "Justin!" he cried.

"Wussup, bro?" I replied.

He threw his right arm into the air and I met it with my own. Firmly grasping each other's palms, we moved our high of five down to waist level where it became a strong hand-shake. We stayed that way for a few seconds as if in an arm wrestling stalemate. "Or is it 'Artukei' now?" he asked. I smiled and laughed lightly, as did he. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up," he said.

"It's been forever, man! How're you doing?"

"Great! You?"

"Good, good. Hey, you still working on your drawings?"

"Yeah. I'm taking a few art classes in the city. How are **you **doing? I almost didn't recognize you at first."

"Oh. Yeah," I said as I scratched my whiskers. Just then, I heard a high pitched chirp behind my ear. Ozz floated over my shoulder and started circling around my friend and nuzzled his cheek like a cat rubbing against its master's leg.

"Hey Ozz." he said. "You stillhanging around this guy?"

"Ahem!"

A single cough interrupted our little reunion. I looked behind me and saw Makoto waiting for me to include her. "Gomenasai," I said, bowing slightly. "Makoto-san, this is Masaki Tenchi. He's an old friend of mine." I then turned to Tenchi. "Masaki, this is Jinnai Makoto."

Makoto stepped forward and Tenchi bowed. "Hajimemashite, Jinnai-san."

Makoto returned his courtesy. "Kochirakoso, Masaki-san."

Tenchi shook his head. "Ie. Only Justin calls me Masaki. Just Tenchi is fine."

"In that case, just call me Makoto," she smiled. A smile that I never knew she could express.

"So," Tenchi glanced back at me, "girlfriend?"

"HELL NO!" I yelled.

"ZETAI-IE!" Makoto screamed.

"Uh..." Tenchi took a step back.

I calmed down. "Makoto's just a... friend. She came to Metrolex a few days ago. She's just staying at my place 'til she finds her feet." I almost put on the mental brakes as I realized what I had just called the harpy!

Tenchi grinned at Makoto; seemingly welcoming her into the fold. "Well, any friend of Justin's is a friend of mine." He bent down and picked up his tool. "Yoshi. Let's go. We don't want to keep everybody else waiting. WAH!!" Suddenly, Tenchi started rising off the road. Startled, he let go of his instrument, but it was caught by unseen hands. It then floated over his head and into the basket, which loosened itself from Tenchi's shoulders and set him back on the ground. Ozz flew beside it and chirped cheerfully. "Thanks Ozz," Tenchi said with a smile.

Then, Makoto felt the strap from her bag lifting off her shoulder and it went to join Masaki's items. "Arigato," she nodded.

Ozz started up the road with their baggage in tow and the two followed.

_Hey, what about me?_ I called, still carrying all my luggage.

_What __**about **__you?_ he replied.

"Grrrr." I started to trudge behind; grumbling. Then I felt my bags lighten.

_Heh heh. Just kidding._

As we continued up the road, Masaki and I prattled on as we caught up with each other's lives. "We check out your blog every now and then," he said. "What about your music? Whatever happened to that?"

"Oh, I'm still working on it," I replied, "I'm just... in a bit of a slump right now." At this point, I was still trying to break into the music biz. For the past couple years, I'd been trying to put together a catalog of original songs. So far I had about nine. They were all written and ready to be recorded; that was the easy part. The hard part was,... well,... me. But I'll get into all that later.

"I'm really glad you could come by," Masaki said. "Things have been kinda boring around here."

I raised my eyebrow. "Dude, given your living conditions, I find that hard to believe."

"OK. Well some of the girls just really missed you," he fessed up. "And, well, I did too."

"Which girls?" I asked impishly yet anxiously.

Tenchi smiled. "I think you know."

I chuckled lightly to myself as I gave my ego something to nibble on. But as I went down the roster in my mind, I stopped on one girl in particular. I sighed inaudibly and my eyelids could feel sadness. _Did __**she**__ miss me? I'm not sure if I can face __**her**__ again._

Before long, we turned off the main highway and onto a dirt road that took us deeper into the forested mountains. A cool breeze eased the summer humidity as it ushered in the dusk. The trees became drenched in a pale peach light and yet they still retained their rich green. Soon we could see a large, wooden, double-door gate about six or seven feet high. On either side was a large log of equal height. As we approached the gate, the doors swung open automatically and a deep voice said, "Okaerinasai, Tenchi-sama." Tenchi nodded and stepped inside.

Makoto nudged me. "An automatic, self-greeting front gate? That's kinda self-indulgent, don't you think?"

I laughed and stepped towards the gate myself. "Why, Master Justin, what a surprise to see you again," said the voice.

"A most delightful surprise," said a second higher-pitched voice.

Makoto's jaw dropped.

I nodded at the two 'logs'. "Azaka. Kamidake. You're both looking well."

The logs swiveled around to reveal a singular lens-like 'eye' near the top of each and focused directly on me. Beneath each eye was a large alien symbol.

Makoto's eyes bulged.

"It's been ages since we've seen you," said the deeper voice; Azaka.

"In fact it's been exactly 1 year, 6 months, and 13 days," said the higher voice; Kamidake.

"Thanks for keeping track," I chuckled.

"We see that the Zilder is still with you," Azaka said noticing Ozz hovering behind me.

"Of course."

"Tell us," Kamidake asked, "what brings you back to the Masaki house?"

"Just visiting old friends," I said. "Catching up on old times. You know. Like you said, it's been over a year."

"Ah yes. Well, it is wonderful to see you again," said Azaka.

"Most definitely," said Kamidake. Then he turned slightly as if seeing something out of the corner of his eye. "Oh. And who might this young lady be?"

Makoto almost jumped out of her skin. She made a sound like a puppy whose paw had just been stepped on.

"This is Jinnai Makoto," I said. "She's a friend."

"Greetings Jinnai Makoto!" the two bellowed.

She made the noise again.

"I am Azaka!"

"And I am Kamidake!"

"Please enjoy your stay!" they said.

"Th... th... thank you," she replied, and hurried up to me as we stepped inside.

On the other side of the gate, there was a long wooden walkway that spanned a portion of a lake nestled in the crook of the valley. At the other end was a large house. Masaki was waiting for us at the front on a deck that stretched out onto the lake. Ozz had gone ahead to drop off Tenchi's work stuff in the shed around back. As we walked, Makoto, still slightly shaken, asked me, "So,... there's just two guys inside those things, right?"

"No, they're robots," I said as if it were as natural as breathing.

"You mean robots... that are remotely controlled by..."

"Nope. They're real robots. Actually, they're royal guardians." Again, as if it were completely normal.

"Uh huh," she nodded, mockingly. "So who is Tenchi exactly? Is his family really into robotics or something?"

Well, she didn't buy the royal guardians bit, so I thought I'd drop the whole bomb on her. "Exactly, you say?" I took a deep breath. "Tenchi's a descendant of alien royalty whose grand-father left the planet of Jurai in pursuit of a space pirate whom he imprisoned here on Earth only to be freed by Tenchi 700 years later, thus setting off a chain of events that have resulted in sharing a house with said pirate, two alien princesses, two Galaxy Police detectives, and the greatest scientific genius in the universe. Most of whom are practically head-over-heals in love with him."

Makoto just stared at me. "You watch way too much TV."

"Tell me something I don't know," I said with a grin.

When we entered the house, it was like walking into a restaurant. As soon as we stepped in our noses were hit full force with a thousand aromas. All of them heavenly. Makoto-san took in a deep breath through her nose. "Ii kaori," she sighed.

"Told ya," I said. I cleared my throat and announced our presence. "Lucy, I'm hooooome!" No, no, just kidding! "Oi! Masakis! Konnichiwah!" I shouted. There was silence for a second. Then I heard the light patter of tiny running feet. Down the hall, a little girl in pig tails emerged from around the corner. She was wearing an apron, her eyes were pink, her hair was sky-blue, and she looked no older than ten. Instantly, her face lit up and she ran towards me screaming, "Justin onii-chan!"

Smiling as big as she, I crouched down and opened my arms like an old man to a grandchild. She leaped at me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and I hugged her tight in return. She smelled of herbs and sauces. "Sasami-chan," I said, "you get cuter and cuter every time I see you." She giggled in my ear. Makoto-san smiled, somewhat surprised.

Sasami let go of me and looked up. "Ozz!" she shouted. Ozz floated down and started nuzzling her just like he did Tenchi, causing her to laugh.

"REOW!!"

I heard a familiar yowl. Then something bounded over Sasami and right into my face. "WAH!" It landed on my shoulder and started rubbing against my cheek. It had brown and white fur and looked like a cross between a rabbit and a cat. "You missed me too, Ryo-ohki-chan?" I said as I scratched behind its large ears.

Just then, a second girl appeared. She had long purple hair, red eyes, and looked about eighteen. "Ah, Justin. What a delightful surprise," she smiled.

I stood up and approached her. "Princess Ayeka," I said, getting on one knee. "A pleasure to see you, as always." I took her hand and kissed the top of her palm.

She beamed demurely. "You haven't changed a bit," she said sweetly.

I heard a faint groan from behind me. Obviously from Makoto. She was probably rolling her eyes too.

Ayeka looked up. "And I see we have a new face as well."

Makoto nodded, partially out of politeness. But she was just glad some-one finally acknowledged her. "Watashi Jinnai Makoto desu," she said bowing slightly. "Yoroshiku."

"Kochirakoso," Ayeka nodded.

"Hajimemashite," Sasami bowed.

"Is she your...?" Ayeka asked me.

I shook my head. "No. She's just a friend."

Formalities aside, Tenchi bent down and picked up our bags that Ozz had set down. "I'll just take these upstairs," he said.

"What are you, a bellhop?" I asked. "I'll help."

Makoto-san and I took our bags and followed Tenchi up the stairs. "So," Makoto whispered to me, "I guess those two were the princesses?"

"Yep."

"The **alien** princesses?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Alright then," she shrugged. I didn't mind Makoto's skepticism. She could call me crazy all evening. Cuz I knew eventually she'd become a believer. But for now, I was enjoying my smugness.

I tossed my bags just inside the door to Masaki's room. Tenchi turned to Makoto. "You can sleep in Ayeka and Sasami's room down the hall," he said, "if that's alright."

Makoto nodded. "Mm. That'd be fine."

Suddenly, a strange shiver ran up my spine. But when I turned around I saw nothing. My ear muscles tensed instinctively and my eyes darted all over the twilight filled hallway.

"Justin what's--" Tenchi started. But a quick "shh" from my lips brought the eerie silence back. I could feel the shadow of some unknown entity looming over us. It had been watching us from a distance for quite a while. Now I could practically feel its breath. In a flash, my arm was up in front of my face; blocking a punch that came out of no-where. Tenchi and Makoto stood there with confused eyes as I clutched the unseen fist. "I was wondering how long you were going to wait, Ryoko," I said with a smirk.

"Damn!" said a voice. Slowly, a fist materialized in my hand. Then an arm. Makoto watched in shock and semi-horror as the stalker revealed themselves. In a few seconds, she saw another young woman. This one had spiky aqua hair and fierce yellow eyes. The woman withdrew her fist from my hand and put it on her hip. "You're faster this time," she grumbled. But her frustrated sneer quickly turned into an impressed grin. "Good job. Looks like you haven't gotten rusty after all this time."

"A well oiled machine, that's me," I joked.

Ryoko chuckled lightly. "Heh. Maybe a little too much oil." She reached over and pinched my side.

"Ow!"

She laughed a little more as she hovered off the ground and behind me, draping her arms over my shoulders and across my chest. "How 'bout a spar later on for old time's sake?"

Her breath tickled my ear; she knew that made me nervous. "Maybe tomorrow," I said slightly flushed. "It's pretty late and..." At this point I noticed Makoto-san staring at Ryoko. I know it's cliché, but she looked like she'd just seen a ghost.

Ryoko noticed it too, but not the same way I did. "Oh right. New girl, what's your name?" she asked chummily.

She squeaked; third time now, actually.

"My name's Ryoko. How's it goin'?" She held out her hand.

Makoto looked at it like it was a viper.

"C'mon, I'm not gonna bite'cha."

"Umm, Ryo?" I whispered. "Tone it down a bit."

"Eh? Oh, sorry." She let go of me and put her feet back on the ground.

Since Makoto was speechless again, I did it for her. "This is Jinnai Makoto."

Ryoko extended her hand once more and smiled gently. "Nice to meet you."

Still thoroughly spooked, Makoto timidly shook her hand. "N... nice to... meet you too."

Ryoko winked at me. "She's a cutie, Justin. Nice work."

My eyebrow twitched. "She's not my girlfriend, Ryo."

"Dinner's ready!" Sasami's proclamation echoed throughout the house. "Finally," Ryoko said. "I'm starving." And with that, she vanished.

Makoto uttered squeak #4.

_Starving?_ I thought. _What's she talking about? She doesn't even need to eat._ I looked at Makoto, who, if she were wearing all white, would've been mistaken for a marble statue. I could just flick her nose and she'd crumble.

"Obake," she whispered, her breath completely stolen, staring at the spot where Ryoko was just standing.

I started snickering out of irony, then I burst out laughing. "Just don't call her that to her face," I said heading towards the stairs. "C'mon, let's go."

Makoto took a moment to breathe and waited for her eyes go back to their normal form. "Nani... wha... what was that?" she stammered.

"Take a wild guess," I said.

"... P... pirate?"

I snapped my finger and pointed at her. "Atari."

"The **700** year old pirate?"

"Mm hm. Looks good for her age, doesn't she?"

She finally started to move her feet. "But... that can't be. What is she? Really?"

I smiled at her, but not out of arrogance or spite. "Loosen up a little and I'm sure she'll tell you herself. Bragging always has been her strong suit."

Sasami was putting the last plate on the table as we came down the stairs into the dining room. Ayeka and Ryoko were already bickering about something. I don't know what, but as soon as they saw Tenchi coming down the stairs they shut up. Knowing them, it was probably an argument over who got to sit next to him. "Didn't you say there were more?" Makoto whispered to me.

"They're on their way," I said.

No sooner had I said this, the door underneath the stairs opened and a mane of bright red hair stuck itself out. A sniffing sound came from under it and then a voice saying, "Mmm mmm! Something sure smells good!"

When I got to the base of the steps, I threw my arms open again. "Washu-chan!" I shouted.

The red-head turned and mimicked my actions. "Dummy!" she yelled, and hugged me tight. Her voice was full of excitement, but not a trace of surprise.

Makoto had to have recognized her from the video. As she watched us, she put on that same little wicked grin of hers. "Hey Yankee, someone finally got your name right," she said.

"Damare-yo," I snarled through gritted teeth, trying to hold on to my smile.

Then, looking past Washu, I saw someone else come through the door. Someone new. It was a kid; a boy about thirteen or fourteen. He had short brown hair (kinda messy), and big steel blue eyes. I had a feeling who he was, but he seemed so ordinary. **Too** ordinary. And although I had never seen his face before, there was a familiar atmosphere about him. "Let me guess," I said to him. "You must be DJ."

He smiled. "That'd be me. And you must be Artukei."

I looked down at Washu. "He watches the blog?"

"Of course," she replied. "Everyone here does. It's the only way we get to see you anymore."

This perplexed the heck out of me. He wasn't what I expected at all. The way Washu talked about him, I thought he'd be some handsome, debonair hunk from beyond the stars. Not some average looking kid. I wondered, _What does Washu see in this guy?_ Well, I did have the whole weekend to find out. I extended my arm towards the young teen. "Well, it's nice to meet you DJ. I look forward to getting to know you better."

He shook my hand. "Likewise," he said grinning.

Washu let go of my waist and moved behind me. "Well, well, well. You're new," she said looking Makoto up and down.

Makoto smiled and bowed slightly. "Hajimemashite. Watashi--"

"Urusai!" Washu barked putting a finger to Makoto's lips. Then she picked off a strand of black hair that was resting on her shoulder. "Ah-ha!" She examined it for a second, then let it go. Makoto was shocked as she watched the hair not fall, but stay in mid-air! Washu waved her hands and a translucent keyboard appeared before her. She started typing (which sounded like R2-D2 dialogue) and the hair started to glow. Soon, a screen appeared in front of Washu's face. "Jinnai Makoto," she read. "Age 23, Gemini, 161 cm, Blood Type: A." She put the screen and keyboard away and shook Makoto's limp and lifeless hand. "Nice to meet'cha!" she smiled. Then she plucked the hair from the empty space and returned it to Makoto's shirt. "You can keep that," she said patting her shoulder. Then she turned on her heel towards the table. "Alright, now let's eat!"

Makoto looked like... wait. I don't even need to say it, do I? Aw heck, I'll say it anyway. She looked like a deer caught in the lights of an oncoming semi. Finally, faint sounds started to escape her lips. "H-... how di-... how di-"

"How did she do that?" I helped.

"Um... eh," Makoto nodded.

"She's a genius," I simply stated. I nudged her shoulder and she looked at me blankly. "You need to loosen up a little Makoto-san. You'll have to if you want to **survive** this weekend."

Suddenly, Ryo-ohki's ears perked up and she ran to the sliding glass door looking out onto the lake. "Reow! Reow!" she yelped as she looked up at the sky.

Sasami ran over. "What's wrong, Ryo-ohki?" Soon the rest of us joined them in staring at a black dot in the orange and lavender heavens. There was a high pitched whistling sound; almost inaudible. It gradually crescendoed as the dot became larger and larger.

"Incoming!" someone yelled. I think it was the new kid. Sasami picked up Ryo-ohki and ran behind the couch. Tenchi backed away with Ryoko and Ayeka on either side of him, both clutching an arm. DJ put his hands on Washu's shoulders and pulled her close to him. Makoto lightly held my arm as her panicky eyes jumped from face to face searching for answers. I was smiling stupidly, trying hard not to laugh.

"Ayeka-sama," Washu asked, "can your force field protect us?"

"I don't know," she said. "I had trouble holding it the last time."

At this point, the incoming object was just a few miles away and the whistle had turned into a roar.

"Ladies, no need to fret," I said. "Don't forget who just came home." All eyes fell on me. Some saying, "What are you going to do?" Others, "What the hell are you talking about?" Mine said, "Look at the blue ferret," and glanced upwards. Ozz's were closed. And Makoto's were glued to the outside as she watched the humungous UFO plummet towards us.

A second later, Makoto shrieked and crouched down, hands over her head. Then Ozz's eyes opened, burning bright blue, and his tiny arms flew out. The object plunged into the lake sending a tidal wave towards us. It broke against a transparent blue dome. The only thing that touched the house was spray on the windows.

"Everyone OK?" the new kid asked.

"High and dry, thanks to Ozz," Washu said. Relishing the moment, Ozz started bowing and everyone applauded mildly.

"Makoto," I said as I nudged her with my foot, "you can stop freaking out now."

She looked up, amazed to still be in one piece. Then she looked out the window to see waves on the lake and the tail end of a spaceship sticking out of it. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" she screamed.

"Kuramitsu Mihoshi," I calmly replied, almost as if introducing her.

"WHAT!? Wha... ahh." She fell over and curled into a fetal position.

"Hey, you OK?"

"I want to go home," she squeaked.

Then, the glass door opened and in stepped another young woman; blonde haired, blue eyed, tan skinned, wearing a uniform, and soaking wet. "Miss Washu, could you fix my..." she started. But when she saw me standing in the middle of the room her voice stopped and her eyes grew in surprise. "Justin?"

"'Sup Miyo?"

Instantly her eyes started tearing up. She cried aloud and ran towards me with arms wide open. Then... BOOM! She tackled me! I fell back onto the couch as she buried her face in my chest. "I thought you'd gone away forever!" she wailed.

"Um... Mihoshi? You're getting me all wet. Not to mention crushing my ribcage." But she didn't let go. She only hugged me tighter. "OK Mihoshi," I rasped. "I can't breathe now. Please let go."

This time she did. "Sorry," she said as she wiped her eyes. Then she smiled brightly in a way that only she could. "But it's just so good to see you."

I helped myself back onto my feet. "It's good to see you too."

"Kiyone's going to be so happy to--"

"MIHOSHIIIIIIIII!!" There was a bellow from outside, and one more girl walked in the house, completing the ensemble. Like Mihoshi, she was drenched and wore a uniform identical to hers. She growled as she trembled with rage. "I swear, Mihoshi, if you do that again, I'm going to--" But her voice ceased once she realized who her partner was standing next to. When her beautiful blue eyes locked with mine, she gasped and froze in the midst of wringing out a handful of her long greenish-blue locks. Her lovely athletic figure still trembled slightly, but not from anger.

My face smiled warmly and softly said the words, "Hey Kiyo."

She blushed like a strawberry. "J-... Justin," she murmured; practically hypnotized by my presence. For a second or two, no-one made a sound or movement. Then Kiyone blinked, glanced away from me, and looked at her counterpart. "M-... Mihoshi, c'mon. Ge-... We'd better change for dinner."

"Oh right!" With that, they both ran up the stairs.

I sighed and frowned as I watched their receding figures.

--

"Itaidakimasu!"

Sasami's dinner, as always, was delicious. The conversation was very lively as well. I was the center of attention. Everyone wanted to know how I'd been doing, what I'd been up to, and just everything that had been going on with my life. They couldn't stop asking me questions and talking about the old days. Everyone except Kiyone; the only one who ate silently. She never spoke a word to me for the rest of the night.

Well, her and Makoto. She passed out from shock.

**(End Chapter 2)**

* * *

So, just what is going on between Artukei and Kiyone? And who exactly is this DJ? The answers to those questions and more are in the next chapter.


	3. New Friends and Old Flames

Yes friends. The long awaited, highly anticipated, critically acclaimed... well, long awaited at least. Chapter 3 is finally up! Read, laugh, cry, and as always enjoy.

* * *

**Episode #5**

**New Friends and Old Flames**

The next day, I came down the stairs to see Kiyone standing alone in the living room. Her back was to me as she looked out onto the lake. "Hey Kiyo," I called. But she remained motionless as stone and just as silent. I slowly approached her. "Kiyo? What's wrong? Why won't you talk to me?" Silence. "Kiyo, I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry." Dead air. "Talk to me! Say something! A hello. A curse. Hell, I'll even accept a sneeze! Anything!" I reached out and carefully put my hand on her shoulder. "Kiyone?" I whispered. "Say something, please."

"Meow."

"Come again?"

She turned around and smiled at me with her beautiful azure eyes. "Meow!" she repeated.

"Meow?" I asked completely befuddled. "Guess it's better than nothing."

She mewed softly as she got on tiptoe and licked my nose. "Meow."

"Well they say actions speak louder than words," I smiled.

"Meow!!"

CHOMP!!

"GAAAH!!" My eyes flew open and Kiyone disappeared. In her place was Ryo-ohki with her tiny mouth clamped onto the tip of my nose. My brow furrowed. "Ohayo gozaimasu," I mumbled in a groggy morning voice.

"Reow!" Ryo-ohki said cheerfully.

As I stepped into the hall, I could already smell breakfast. That alone was enough to melt the hazy film of sleep off my eyes. But then I heard a voice next to me. "Ohayo gozaimasu." It was in the same tone as mine.

"Ohay-WHOA!" I turned and beheld a visage from "Dawn of the Dead." Or was it "Shaun of the Dead"? Either way, George Romero would've been proud. Anyway. It was Makoto, and she looked like a celebrity mug shot. Her clothes were wrinkled and crooked, her hair was in disarray, and her face looked like it was slowly sliding off her skull. (Oh man, I'm having so much fun describing her!) "Mother of Kon!" I yelled. "You look slagged. What happened?"

"You left me on the couch!" she growled.

"Well, I didn't want to disturb you," I said. "You just looked so peaceful."

She grumbled something I didn't understand.

"So you spent the whole night on the couch?"

"No! I came to at around twelve, but I was up half the night."

"Doing what?"

Her voice quieted down and she sounded almost frightened. "I don't think I'm feeling very well," she said. "Before I passed out, I started... seeing things."

"Like what?" I asked, nonchalantly raising an eyebrow and trying desperately not to crack a smile.

"I could've sworn I saw one of the girls appear out of thin air."

"Hmmm." I had to bite my tongue to remain stoic.

"I thought I saw sparks coming from Washu's fingers. Then... I saw a spaceship crash into the lake."

I almost lost it there. I just nodded and kept my mouth shut. If I had opened it, I would've died laughing.

Makoto chuckled to herself and grinned tiredly. "Aheh. It's probably just fatigue from the time change. And the mountain air must be making me light-headed."

My amusement was attacking me with the ferocity of Attila the Hun. It took all my willpower to restrain it. "So, you think you're going to be OK?"

"I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine." Her smile was confident but her body still seemed unnerved as she headed towards the stairs.

OH... MY... GOD! This was too good! Makoto was in denial! It was like a big fat karma check had finally been cashed in. I smirked villainously; savoring the moment like an all-day sucker. As I walked behind her, I mimed slapping a giant "PWN3D" stamp on her back.

Breakfast was exquisite (of course). Everyone was there (of course), even the new boy, DJ. And again, Kiyone spoke not a word to me (_sigh_, of course). Nevertheless, the table was bubbling with conversation. "Mmm, this is delicious," I declared. "I haven't had a breakfast this good in years!"

_That's because you're never up early enough,_ Ozz quipped.

_Shut up._

"Mmm! Oishi!" Makoto squealed with delight. It seemed that breakfast had renewed her verve. I had always speculated that Sasami's cooking had medicinal properties. No matter what she made, you always felt refreshed and jubilant after one of her meals. Ultimate comfort food!

"Masaki and I were talking about going on a hike after breakfast," I said. "Anybody wanna come with?"

Sasami piped up first. "I'll go. I could pack a lunch for us."

_Ah! More of Sasami's cooking. All the better,_ I thought.

Sasami turned to her sister. "Onee-sama, would you like to come too?"

Ayeka smiled and shook her head. "No, that's OK. You three go ahead."

Just then, Ryoko's brow jumped and she smiled sinisterly from ear to ear. "I'll tag along," she said pleasantly. She then inched her way towards Tenchi and started cuddling up to him. "Mmm. A long walk on a beautiful day. We could go up to the cave and reminisce on how we first met. Good times, huh Tenchi?"

_Oh, holy Miyazaki. Here we go again._

Even a blind man could feel the infuriated glare coming from Ayeka's face. But she quickly washed it off and replaced it with a coquettish smile. "Actually, now that I think about it," she said sweetly, "a hike sounds like a fantastic idea. I shall accompany you as well."

Ryoko's face twisted in a disapproving way.

Then Ayeka leaned over and put her hand on Tenchi's. "But Tenchi-sama, why don't we visit the shrine instead. It'll be so much nicer than that smelly old cave." She quickly shot a dart filled glance at Ryoko. A low growl was her only rebuttal.

Makoto nudged me. "What's with those two?" she whispered.

"You mean it's not obvious?" I replied. Trying to play the pacifist, I made a suggestion. "Well, since it's such a nice day, why don't we take the grand tour and do both?"

"Sounds good to me," Tenchi immediately blurted, tired of being the rope in this tug-of-war between two feral females.

I then looked across the table at the noobie. "Care to join us, DJ?" I offered.

He shook his head. "Thanks, but Washu and I already have plans."

"Well, I'm in," Makoto said, sounding ready to take on the world.

"Me too!" Mihoshi cried with ever jovial eyes. "You're coming too, right Kiyone?"

Kiyone's cheeks flushed slightly. "Um... uh..." She glanced at me for a millisecond. "... maybe," she said quietly and resumed eating. Her actions only reinforced my fears.

Just then, Washu slapped her hand on the table. "Well that settles it! DJ and I aren't going to be the only ones in this household not having fun. We'll go too."

DJ turned to her and leaned in close. "Who says we **won't** have fun?" he whispered with a devilish glimmer in his eye.

Washu put a hand on his shoulder and playfully ushered him away. "Although that does sound enticing, this could be a great opportunity for you and Artukei to get to know each other." She sensed my motive exactly. "Who knows? You may find some common ground."

"Oh... alright," he sighed disappointedly.

Washu patted his head, "Good boy," and turned back to me. "But before we do, Artukei, I want you to come to my lab for a minute."

"Sure thing," I nodded. My agreement was a reflex. It took another second for my survival instinct to kick in. "Wait a minute. What for?" I asked suspiciously.

She smiled. "I want to give you something."

"Give me what?"

"A present."

"What kind of present?"

"Hey, what's with the third degree all of a sudden?" she pouted. "Don't you trust me?" She stuck out her lower lip and her eyes became dewy.

She looked and sounded hurt, but I knew it was an act. An act that worked on me every time. "OK. Sorry."

Washu clapped her hands and cheered like an eight-year-old. "Waaaiii!"

"Anon, Washu-san," Makoto asked. "There's something I wanted to ask you."

"Hai. Dozo," Washu said kindly.

"I was wondering, what was with that 'dummy' crack yesterday?"

"Well that's what Artukei is. He's my dummy. Always has been, always will be."

"**Test **dummy," I sternly clarified. "I was always the one who got to test out the new inventions. Most of them were my ideas anyway so I thought it was only fair."

"He insisted on it," Washu added. "Oh, and one more thing, Makoto-san." Then her voice got so sugary sweet it could've given cavities. "Could you call me Washu-chan? Pweeeeeeeease?"

Returning to Washu's lab brought back so many memories. Not all of them were pleasant though. To this day, I still have nightmares about her in a nurse's uniform. "Angel of Mercy" my hide! She walked over to a table that was littered with tools and all sorts of gadgets. "I had it right here," she said as she started to rummage.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well," she said, "I remembered you saying that you lost your keitai, so I made you a new one."

"Keitai? Oh, my cell!"

As Washu continued to forage over the table, her back towards me, I asked her something. It was a question that had been weighing heavy on my heart since yesterday. And at this point I didn't really care who I asked, I just needed to breathe. "Washu-chan?"

"Nani?"

"What's wrong with Kiyone?"

She stopped what she was doing for a moment, then she replied to me in her low and serious voice. "That, Justin-dono, is something you should ask her yourself. Then again, I think you already know the answer." With that, she resumed her search.

"I didn't mean to. She knows that, doesn't she Washu?" She pretended to ignore me. "It's just that... stuff happened. Besides, I'm back now-"

"Found it!" As if our conversation hadn't even happened, she finally handed me a device. It looked like a normal cell phone, but knowing Washu, there had to be more to it. "I added an extra-special feature to it that I think you'll like." Yapari.

"It's not gonna blow up, is it?" I asked, holding it at a distance.

Washu puffed out her cheeks. "Oh, be a good dummy and just shut up." As I thought about how long it had been since I heard her say that, she pulled a second phone out of her pocket. She opened it, pressed a few buttons, and held it to her ear. "To activate it, all you have to do is answer."

A second later, my phone started to ring. Fearing the worst, I held it at arm's length, away from my face. Then I flipped it open and suddenly... nothing happened. Confused, I brought it closer and started examining the gizmo. It seemed perfectly ordinary; I couldn't find anything that seemed unconventional. "I don't get it."

"I said answer it, not open it!" I heard the phone's speaker reiterate Washu's words just slightly out of sync.

I cautiously brought the cell to my ear. "Mm... moshi moshi?" I heard a soft whirring sound (like a mini-buzz saw) and a bright light shone from the center of the keypad. Startled, I held it away once more and almost instantly I started to see an image forming in the light. After about a second or two, there was a transparent 3 inch version of Washu standing on the "OK" button!

"What do you think?" Washu asked. Her holographic doppel mimicked her perfectly about a second behind.

I smiled immediately as I released a small laugh. "Hah! That's gotta be the coolest thing I've ever seen. Arigato gozaimasu, Washu-chan."

"See? Knew you'd like it," she winked. "

As awesome as my new toy was, I became distracted by something dangling from Washu's phone. When I took a step closer, I could see that it was a phone strap with a miniature figure of herself on the end. "Well that's cute," I said, pointing. "Do I get a little plastic version of **me** too?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but no. And actually, this is DJ's phone. He said he made the strap himself."

"That so?" I rotated it with my thumb and forefinger, inspecting the boy's craftsmanship. Or rather, lack thereof as I discovered something that concerned me.

"Isn't it just the cutest thing?" she chirped.

I slowly started grinning as a slightly disturbing but very ironic possibility dawned on me. "Yeah. Real cute."

--

Elsewhere, other conversations were taking place. Makoto was walking through one of the halls, getting ready for our little trek, when she heard Mihoshi's voice come from a nearby room. " But Kiyone, everyone else is going. You have to go too. "

" I don't **have** to do anything. "

" I don't understand why you're acting this way. " Her voice was worried and slightly scared; sounding almost like she was on the verge of tears. In contrast, Kiyone's was gruff and somber. " I thought you'd be happy to see Justin again. What's wrong, Kiyone? Please tell me. "

Then Kiyone barked, " Mihoshi, would you just butt out already?! " There was a small whimper and then silence for two or three seconds. Kiyone's voice came back quieter. " I'm sorry. Just... leave me alone. " After a few more seconds of silence, Mihoshi finally stepped out looking like her heart had sunk to her knees. She closed the door and walked down the hall, away from and completely unaware of their eavesdropper.

This had gone on long enough for Makoto. She was going to get to the bottom of all this angst. Once Mihoshi was out of sight, she walked up to the door and knocked twice. From the other side came a strict, " Go away Mihoshi. " But Makoto slid open the door anyway. Sitting on her futon, Kiyone looked up initially with contempt, but it instantly turned into surprise. " Oh! Makoto-san. Sorry. Did you need something? "

Looking very serious, Makoto calmly said, " Yeah. Answers. "

Her reply threw Kiyone for a second. Then she sighed. " Mihoshi's my partner. She gets on my nerves all the time. Don't worry about it. "

" I won't. But that's not what I'm talking about. " She looked her square in the eye and her tone lowered a bit. " What happened between you and Justin-san? "

Kiyone's face hardened. " Not to be rude, but that's none of your business. "

Never one to be daunted, Makoto slowly stepped inside. " Yesterday, everyone here greeted him with smiles and open arms, but **you** haven't even given him a 'hello'. You're cold to him and he's suffering from it. At least **I** can see that. "

" You don't want to go there, " she growled, practically scowling now.

" I'll go where-ever I damn well please. " Although assertive, Makoto was careful not to raise her voice as she approached Kiyone. She sat down on the futon across from her. " Not my business? Justin-san is my friend. I care about him. I think that **makes** it my business. "

Kiyone continued to glare at her for a moment, debating the argument in her head. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as her visage calmed. " Seeing as how you're the only person under this roof who doesn't already know, " she gently spoke, " I suppose you have the right for me to tell you. "

* * *

**MID-EPISODE BREAK**

And now it's time to take a break from the story and get to know its cast and creators in a little something we like to call...

"**THE FOURTH WALL"**

(excerpt from Pink Floyd's "The Wall" plays in the background)

"_Tear down the wall!"_

"_Tear down the wall!"_

Question: What are your thoughts on the writer, Houston Kelley?

Artukei: I love him! He's awesome! Out of all the other Rifters in the world he could've written about, he chose me. I mean, he could've gone with Stan Lee or George Lucas or Hayo Miyazaki...

Q: Wait. Did you just say "Stan Lee" and "George Lucas"?

Artukei: What? You can't tell?

--

Ozz: _I've actually worked with Houston before this. When he told me he was taking on this project, I had my doubts. But then he showed me the first few chapters he had written. I took them, I read over them, and then I said to him, "I think you've got something here."_

--

Makoto: I like him, he's a great guy. I like the way he's written my character. His style is tasteful and very true to life. I mean, it's better than some of the roles I normally get where I have to take my top off every five minutes.

--

Artukei: I think he's done a great job with bringing my life-story to print. I mean sure, there are a few parts that he's embellished a little. You know, some artistic licensing, stuff like that. But for the most part, for the really important stuff, he's stuck amazingly well to the source. Overall, I'd say the story you read online is about... 98 true.

--

Edward Elrick: Who're we talking about?

Q: Houston Kelley.

EE: Who's he?

Q: He's the author of "The Legacy of Artukei."

EE: What's that?

Q: It's the story about a young man from reality who lives in the Anime Universe.

EE: ...Never heard of it. Sounds stupid. (sips his coffee) Hey! I ordered a raspberry mocha! This is just a regular mocha!

Barista: Deal with it, ya gimp!

Remember, the fourth wall was made to be broken. And now back to our story.

* * *

"DJ! Hurry up! Everyone's almost ready to leave!"

"Alright, hon! I'm coming!" Pausing his game of Super Smash Bros. Melee, DJ bent down and put on his shoes. He'd just finished tying the laces when he heard a familiar ringtone. He stood up and started patting his pockets, but found nothing. So he began to search like a bloodhound hunting for an escaped con. He checked between and beneath the cushions, under the table, and under the sofa. Finally his ears lead him towards his and Washu's bed. He got on his knees and looked into its dimly lit underside. "Where are you, you little..."

"Mrowf!"

DJ looked behind him and saw his favorite cabbit holding a ringing cell phone in her mouth. Dangling from one side of it was a small, plastic, chibi version of Washu. "Aw, thanks Ryo-ohki." But when he reached out his hand, Ryo-ohki quickly ran out of the room. "Hey!" he called. Getting back to his feet, DJ exited the bedroom and stepped into the lab. He spotted Ryo-ohki by the door leading to the Masaki's dinning room.

"Meowf!" she called again.

DJ slowly started walking towards her. "C'mon Ryo-ohki. I don't have time for this." Ten feet away from her, she whipped around and phased through the door. "Ryo-ohki!" He ran for the door, threw it open, and popped out from under the dinning room staircase. His eyes darted everywhere; scanning for the little brown and white fuzzball.

"Mrow rowf!" Now she was standing by the second floor's banister. When DJ saw her, she bolted up towards the third.

"Ryo-ohki, stop!" DJ yelled. But by the time he reached the third floor, she had vanished. He took a second to catch his breath and wondered where the heck she went. Then, the door to Tenchi's room slid open just a crack and Ryo-ohki came bounding out. Except now, instead of his phone, she was chomping down on a big juicy carrot. Fortunately DJ noticed the switch. If he hadn't he'd have pounced on her for sure. As she gleefully ran past him, DJ approached the door. As soon as he slid it open all the way, he heard a voice coolly say,...

"Copyright 1992-2000 AIC-Pioneer LDC, Inc. Made in China." From the comfort of Tenchi's desk chair, I read the tiny embossed print on the back of the mini-Washu. I looked over at DJ and sternly raised my left eyebrow. "Care to explain yourself, kid?" I asked. His face was priceless; "stone-cold busted" written all over it. Sounds were coming from his mouth, but failed miserably at forming any words. The only way he could've looked more busted was if his head and shoulders were painted white. Oh, yech! I'm sorry. Bad joke. Gomenasai. Anyway. My free hand reached up and scratched Ozz's ears as he lay on my shoulder. "If I were you, I wouldn't go flaunting this around," I said, twirling the strap. "You could get in some serious trouble."

Next I was expecting him to panic and then stammer some feeble attempt to save his ass and not blow his cover. Then I would've told him to calm down and then explain that I was the same as him and that he had nothing to worry about. I had encountered enough greenhorns to know the routine backwards and forwards. But what DJ did took me completely by surprise. He leaned against the door frame, smiled at me, and spoke with a charmingly cynical air, "Please tell me you're not gonna give some cliché speech about a space-time-paradox or something."

I blinked and then burst out laughing. "Hahaha! Yep! You're definitely a Rifter. And a quick one," I said standing up.

"A what?"

"A Rifter. Someone who can travel between dimensions by creating a **rift** in space and time. Rift. Rifter."

"...Rifter? What idiot came up with that?"

Slightly cheesed, I pointed at myself. "**This** idiot, thank you very much. Anyway. Judging by that 'paradox' remark I'd say I'm not the first Rifter you've met."

"I'm just not that surprised is all. Who else would have a blog like **that?**"

"Heh. I guess you're right," I laughed, handing him back his cell.

"Speaking of which," DJ said, "who all have you met? How many guests have you had on that little show of yours?"

"Oof. Too many to keep track of," I sighed. "But let's see. Sailor Moon, The Guyver, Jet Black, I met Vash the Stampede just last week." I took a seat on Tenchi's bed. This was going to take a while. "Mima Kirigoe. Shinji Ikari, or what I like to call 'The Worst Interview Ever'. Kid's a bigger whiner than Luke Skywalker! I swear! Ozz had to hold me back to keep from slapping him."

Ozz chirped and nodded.

I continued. "Cid Highwind. Keitaro Urashima..."

"**You** know Keitaro too?" DJ interrupted.

I turned my head and looked at him surprisedly. "**Too?**" I asked.

"Before I came here," DJ explained, "I used to live at Hinata House."

"Wha? You actually **lived** with those whackos!?" I yelled.

"It's not much different from here."

"Yeah, except here you get peace and privacy. Wait. **When** did you live with them?"

"About a year ago."

"...oh. Oh, okay."

"Why?"

"No reason. Is that about when you came to this universe?"

"Just about." Getting tired of standing, DJ sat in the desk chair. "More like a year and a half actually. I..." Suddenly, DJ appeared a little nervous as he sat across from us. "Umm... should we be talking about this in front of..." He pointed at my shoulder.

"Who, Ozz? Nah, he's cool." Ozz slid off my shoulders, flew towards DJ, and got right in his face. He then orbited around him like particles around an atom until finally settling in DJ's lap. "And I think he feels the same way about you," I said. "Anyway, go on."

DJ started scratching Ozz's ears as he continued. "When I first got here, I just wandered around looking for a place to stay. Then when I came to Hinata, the girls took me in and gave me a room. I stayed there for a little while, then I came here. And my whole world changed once I met Washu."

"Sorry to interrupt, but that's another thing that's bugging me. You're still just a kid. How could you and Washu get married?

"Quit calling me a kid, alright? I'm 16!"

"Sorry. Still, how did you do it?"

"Hey, it's Japan."

"Hmm. Good point. But marrying someone from another universe. That's pretty bold. And I mean that in a good way."

DJ's voice softened and his eyes became distant. "Ya know, I don't know what it was. Back home, I always had a bit of a crush on Washu. But when I actually met her face to face, heard her speak, felt the touch of her hand, her warmth... it was like seeing her for the first time all over again. I know it's the kind of thing that only happens in stories, but I'm sure it had to be 'love at first sight'. Or I guess 'second sight' in this case."

I started chuckling.

"It wasn't **that** funny," DJ said.

"No not that. What you were saying about 'only happening in stories'. Don't forget where you are," I smiled. It took one to know one. This kid was a real romantic. No question. Now I was starting to completely understand what Washu meant. "So, what're you into DJ? I mean, besides the obvious."

"Besides this? Video games. I love me some Nintendo. Pokèmon. Smash Bros."

"Super Smash Melee? Ozz and I love that game! Who's your favorite character?"

"I kick ass with Roy. How 'bout you?"

"I lean towards Link, but I'm still trying to find a character and strategy that can beat Ozz. He prefers the small, cute types and kicks my butt every time. Do you have any idea how mortifying it is playing as Bowser and getting your ass handed to you by Jigglypuff?!" We all started laughing, even Ozz. "You know Deej, we really do have a lot in common. Washu was right... as always."

"Story of **my** life," DJ quipped.

Suddenly, without warning... "HAA-CHOO! Uh oh."

"What?"

"I sneezed."

"...yeeeeeeah?"

"You know what that means, right?"

"That you have something in your nose?" Thankfully, DJ left out the sarcastic 'duh'.

"Baka gaijin," I muttered. "How long have you **really** been here?"

--

I should've known that at the same time other revelations were taking place. Kiyone's voice was tranquil like the summer breeze as she told Makoto the truth. " Justin and I had a few dates. We almost went steady, but... the duties of a police detective don't leave much room for a love life. We both realized that it just wouldn't work out. But we promised to remain very close friends. " She quickly smirked and exhaled a puff of air; seemingly scoffing at her own words. " Now, " she continued, " I'm not sure if he even cares about me at all. "

Makoto shook her head. " You really are blind, " she admonished. " Of course he cares! If he doesn't, then please explain to me why he frowns and sighs every time you give him the cold shoulder. "

Kiyone looked down. " Guilt? " she mumbled.

" What'd you say? " Makoto asked.

But Kiyone's vision was fixed on the floor as she pondered in silence for a few seconds. At first, her eyes aimlessly roamed over the intricate weave of the tatami mat. Then they closed, looked back, and saw Makibi Kiyone. In the brevity of putting her own emotions aside, she finally witnessed her behavior. Her eyes then opened and looked at Makoto through strands of turquoise. " You do have a point, " she said softly. " I **have** been too harsh. Some-one like Justin doesn't deserve that. "

" I know he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, " Makoto said, " but Justin-san's a really nice guy. "

" He's a **great** guy, " Kiyone said, almost smiling. " He's kindhearted, honest, deeply caring, and when you're around him you feel... " She paused and then raised her head, letting their eyes meet. " Thank you Makoto-san. Thank you for helping me sort this out. "

Makoto smiled and nodded. " No biggie. "

" Guys like Justin don't come along very often, " Kiyone continued. " You'd do well to keep an eye on him. "

" I will, " she said. Then her eyebrow twitched as she realized what Kiyone meant. **" I'M NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND! "**

--

After our little chat, DJ and I went outside to join the others. "Aren't Kiyone and Makoto coming?" Tenchi asked.

"Makoto yes," I said, "Kiyone... I'm not so sure." I hung my head and stared at my shoes as if weights were attached to my eyeballs. "She hates me Masaki," I whispered. "I know it."

Tenchi sighed. "Well, out of all of us, I think she took your little disappearance the hardest."

"I don't know what to do."

"Well you can't just stand around and wait for it to go away. You've gotta face your problems; make amends, patch things up."

"Easier said than done. She won't even look at me, let alone talk to me. I don't think I have a chance."

Masaki looked up and glanced behind me. "Actually, I'd say your odds are improving," he smiled.

I turned around and for the first time that weekend I had hope. Makoto was walking towards us, right behind Kiyone. "Sorry to keep you waiting Tenchi," Kiyone smiled. I knew the smile wasn't for me, but the sight of it still warmed my heart.

"Alright, that's everybody. Ikimasho!" Tenchi called, heading towards the front of the pack.

As we started walking, Makoto came up alongside me with a wide grin across her face. To a complete stranger it would've looked very friendly. Maybe even cute. But it made me feel like someone had just shoved a cactus down the back of my shirt. "I know that smile," I said warily. "What did you do?"

"Nothing."

_I hate it when she plays innocent._

"I was just thinking about breakfast."

_Riiiiiiight._

"I'm gonna go up to Sasami and see if I can get some recipes out of her." And with that, she jogged ahead.

I ran up, grabbed her arm, and demanded to know what she'd been doing with my ex. Or at least, I would have. But before I could, my brain suddenly screeched to a halt at the utterance of a single letter.

"I..."

Completely dumbstruck, I turned to find the source of the sound, and saw Kiyone walking next to me.

"I... I like the beard." She looked up at me, smiling. Not one of her prettier smiles. It was an awkward smile; a broken smile. But a smile nonetheless. And hey, she was finally talking to me! "I used to wonder how you'd look with one."

I returned her awkwardness with my own. "Oh, well... wonder no more." We shared a brief awkward chuckle.

"So, how are you doing?"

"Good. Pretty good."

"That's good."

Menial smalltalk. Low voices, almost whispering. Little eye contact. Awkward.

"I heard you have your own place now."

"Yeah. It's in Metrolex. Not the city, but just outside it. The burbs."

"Hmm. Never took you for the suburban type."

Why were we doing this? Why didn't one of us just say it? Why weren't we discussing what we really wanted to talk about?

"So, what all have you been up to? Besides the blog?"

"Not much. That's pretty much it."

"Really." That was all she had to say, but her eyes said much more. With drivel now exchanged for silence, the awkward marathon continued.

_At least she's walking with me. That's a step in the right direction,_ I thought, no pun intended._ And she __**did**__ finally speak to me. That's gotta be a good sign, right? Right?_

_Are you asking me, or just having one of your silly inner-monologues?_ Ozz asked.

When we reached the cave, Sasami started passing out snacks from the basket she'd brought along. We sat among the stones merrily munching and reminiscing about adventures and inventions past. "You scrapped the 'cutter'?!" I screamed.

"I didn't scrap it. I just needed the booster," Washu said. "Besides, it's not like you ever used it. In the testing stages, you blacked out after only 80."

"It was 200 and you know it," I objected.

"Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that," Washu said smugly.

_I swear, that speed gets lower every time._ As we talked, I kept glancing at Kiyone who was sitting across from me. Every minute she refused to look at me, my frustration mounted; quickly turning my anxiety into courage. Until at last, I caught her eyes. They stared at me almost irritatedly, saying something along the lines of "What do **you** want?" I answered seriously with an overall look of "It's now or never," and quickly shot a glance behind her shoulder.

"'Scuse me a sec, guys," I said as I stood up. As I left the circle, Ozz started to follow me. _You stay here, buddy._

_I understand, _he said, and went over to snuggle up with Sasami.

I kept walking towards the trees. Then, as soon as I was out of sight, I waited.

About a minute later, Kiyone stood up. "Where are you going Kiyone," Mihoshi asked.

"I uh... I just need to go to the bathroom."

"Oh. You know, you should've gone before we left."

A sweatdrop hung from Kiyone's orange headband. "I did. But now I have to go again."

Oblivious as a kindergartener, Mihoshi persisted. "Wow. I didn't see you drink that much. You've been acting strange lately, Kiyone. Are you sure you're O--"

BONK!!

"Ouch!"

"Holy cow! Did you see the size of that thing?!" Washu yelled.

"What thing?"

"Big mosquito! Look, there it goes!"

"Where?"

With her partner distracted, Kiyone made a break towards the woods where they'd seen me disappear.

"Oh ho. Here we go," Ryoko giggled impishly. She started hovering just a few inches off the ground, planning to tail her. Then Ayeka grabbed her ankle.

"Let them be alone," Tenchi said softly.

Without a word between us, Kiyone and I hiked towards a bluff near the shrine. From there, you could get a glorious view of the valley. In the past, Kiyone and I had come to this place many times when we needed it to be just us. It was practically our "secret spot". It almost made me sad coming there. So many memories of sunsets and summer nights that I knew wouldn't happen again.

Kiyone stepped to the edge and looked at the doll house version of her home below. "I always loved the view from up here," she gently stated, her back towards me.

"Mm hm," I concurred, smiling and lightly nodding. Being up here with Kiyone, the whispering trees and shimmering lake below us, the cloudless cobalt sky above us, a warm breeze blowing through our hair, I savored this moment as if it were our last. It probably would be. Finally, I breached the silence. "Kiyo. I want to say--"

"Why didn't you come back?" she interrupted. "You promised you would."

"It's complicated," I sighed. "I just needed to be alone for a while."

"You could've told us. You could've told us **something**. Instead of keeping silent for more than a year." She continued to stare into the horizon as she chided me. "Do you have any idea how worried we were? Did you even once think about us, wondering what happened to you?! Did you even care at all how we felt?! What was so important that you couldn't speak to the people who love you?!"

I stepped towards her. "Kiyo," I pleaded.

"You know I hate that nickname."

"And you know I hate that headband."

"Don't be cute!" she shouted. "You think you can just show up and expect everything to go back to the way it was?"

I took a deep breath as I prepared to unzip and expose my soul. "No. I know it'll take more than that. I'm sorry Kiyo. I'm sorry I've made you feel this way. I've hurt you and I can't change that. I'm so sorry."

I knew she'd recognize my low serious voice. But it was as if I had apologized to a statue. She refused to answer me.

I stepped closer. "Kiyo, please. You know how much I care about you. That's why I'm here. I came back for **you**. For this."

Still nothing. It was just like my dream from that morning.

"Look, I know I can't make up for the promise I broke. But there's no way in hell I'm breaking our first one."

All was still for a second, even the wind stopped. Then I heard Kiyone's boot shuffle against the rock. She slowly turned around and looked into my eyes; her own filled with a mix of loathing and longing. "I don't know...," she paused, "whether to hug you or hit you."

I gave her a warm smile and replied half-joking, "I'd gladly accept either."

"I told you, don't be..." Her gaze fell downward as her words trailed off.

I came in close and tenderly put my hands on her shoulders. "Kiyone," I whispered. "Hontoni gomenasai. Yurushite, onegai?"

As she looked up at me, I watched her hatred melt and start to pool in her eyes. Maybe it was those last words. Maybe hearing them in the language of her birth, a language she never heard me speak until then, is what made her accept my humble sincerity. She reached up and removed her headband. Then she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight, burying her face in my chest.

I returned her emotions and stroked her back, enjoying the feeling of her long soft hair between my fingers. I missed that feeling so much. "Aitakatta, Kiyone," I said as I lovingly kissed the top of her head.

Now, with her anger no longer restraining her true feelings, she could finally confess what she'd wanted to say since the night before. "Atashi mo."

We held each other for several minutes, almost as if making up for lost time. And we stayed there, at our spot, until dusk, and watched the sun set just like we used to do.

Or, at least, we would have.

BOOOOM!!

The mountain rumbled and thunder echoed, utterly shattering our tender moment and any other that may have been going on within a 20 mile radius. Kiyone and I jumped out of our skins, into each others', and then back into our own. The commotion seemed to be coming from the shrine. We raced back down the trail and arrived to find our companions watching the daily grudge match. Bouncing around the treetops, in full body armor, Ryoko and Ayeka assaulted each other like two mothers at a Wal-Mart on Black Friday. They deployed so many energy blasts and force fields that they could've been mistaken for an amateur fireworks display. Despite the bedlam, I casually approached DJ. "So what'd we miss?"

"Not much," he replied with a tone identical to mine. "They started arguing about who'd get to feed Tenchi. And it turned into this."

"Some things never change," I sighed.

"And the rest **do,**" Kiyone said.

I turned and looked at her nervously.

"But you know what they say," she said. Then she smiled at me in a way that I hadn't seen in forever. "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

That was it. That was the smile. The caring and delicate curve that adorned my favorite memory of her face was mine once more. And my heart couldn't have felt higher.

Just then, Ozz rejoined me and floated to my shoulder. _So,_ he asked, _you two patch things up?_

_There's still some cracks that we couldn't cover up,_ I said, _but it'll hold strong._

"YOU!!"

_Yikes! I haven't heard a screech like that since... oh crap!_ Burning with rage, Makoto marched up to me and clamped her thumb and index finger onto my earlobe. "Owowowowow! Itai!"

She dragged me to the side and then released my ear so that she could crush my shirt collar. "Everything I thought I saw yesterday; the vanishing, the flying, the spaceship. It all really happened, didn't it?"

_Uh oh. She's talking in that low creepy voice._

She shook me. "**Didn't it?!**"

The girls' display must've confirmed her dubious memories. I was a terrible liar in these situations, so I laughed sheepishly like an idiot.

"KITANAI!!" she screamed. "You almost had me believe I was going insane!!"

"Wait! Maybe you are. Maybe we're all insane and you've just now decided to join our club!"

She bared her teeth and prepared to deliver the knockout punch. I had to think fast.

"But if you're not," I said, holding up a finger, "it means I was telling the truth, doesn't it?"

Her grip loosened and eyes widened in realization. "Then... all that stuff you were saying," she softly stammered, "...about robots... and pirates... princesses?"

With a slightly conceited grin, I nodded.

She freed me and looked back at the Masakis. Ryoko and Ayeka were still having at it. Tenchi and Sasami were protesting that they stop. Mihoshi was near tears with worry as she watched helplessly. And Washu, DJ, and Kiyone were sitting on the cobblestone path, snacking on rice cakes as they enjoyed the show. "Aliens," Makoto murmured. "They're all aliens?"

"Yep. Well, 'cept for Deej."

"This is incredible. I had no idea aliens even existed."

I quizzically raised an eyebrow, and pointed my thumb above my shoulder. "What about Ozz?" I asked.

"Ozz is an alien?!" she cried in even greater shock.

"What'd you think he was?!"

"I thought he was a pokèmon!"

"You don't believe in aliens but you believe in... oh for the love of Miyamoto."

Still in a state of disbelief, Makoto went on. "All my life, I'd heard stories about aliens and spaceships, super-heroes, monsters, and giant robots. I never thought that..." She looked back at me again when she heard me chuckling. "What? Those too?! You mean it's all real?! You've actually seen those things?!"

"More than seen. Heck, going back to that giant robot thing, I actually piloted one once. Ain't worth it, let me tell ya. Two words: over hyped. True, they've got firepower like a Charlton Heston wet dream, but they're as clunky as hell to maneuver."

To this day, I'm still surprised Makoto didn't pass out after a bomb like that. "The blog. Those people." The pieces were all starting to fall together. "They're all... **This** is what you do all day?" She dropped to her knees onto the stones and watched the girls as they continued to bout. "Sugoi," she whispered.

I patted her head and proudly declared, "Congratulations, Makoto-san. You are now a believer."

**(End Chapter 3)**


	4. Makoto the Pest

Slightly behind schedule, Chapter 4 is up! I know the intervals between updates have been kinda wide, but I promise that once this story really gets going, they'll happen more often. Here's to '08! May it be properous!

* * *

**Episode #6**

**Pest**

_...and look forward to meeting you in person._

_Sincerely,_

_Artukei_

I clicked "send" and leaned my chair back as I exhaled a deep sigh. Seconds later, my mouse cursor drifted over the top of a photo icon and opened my album. It didn't take long to find the pic I was looking for. I clicked it open and easily smiled as I once again basked in the beauty of Miss Aisha Clan-clan. My eyes slowly began to trace her features; relishing the image as if it was a rare drink or dessert. The kind that you can taste only once in your life if you're in the right place and have enough cash. Her eyes were tranquil, clear, and ocean blue. Her hair poured down her back and seemed to shimmer like a vein of white gold. Her long ears stood out proudly as if begging to be touched. _What is it about big fuzzy animal ears that just makes you wanna scratch'em?_ I thought. They probably felt like velvet. And her smile, a cute little dip, where the point of a fang could just barely be seen. _If you kissed her,_ I wondered, _would it hurt? _The rest of her body wasn't any less beautiful. Her skin's rusty pigmentation made her look even more exotic. Her deceivingly lean build concealed a powerhouse of muscle. Which begged the question: Rough or soft skin? Probably soft. Oh yeah. Girls like Aisha took good care of themselves. Her legs were long and smooth. Her arms strong yet slender. And her proportions were generous, but not too generous. Just... perfect.

"So **that's **Aisha."

"WAAAAH!!" Hand over heart, my head whipped to the side to see the giggling harlot hovering over my shoulder. My life had officially become a running gag. After taking a second to catch my breath, I glared at Makoto and said, "Didn't you have some errands you were gonna run?"

"I did them already," she replied chirpily.

My inner voice muttered a silent curse.

"So, what's going on today?" she asked peering at the screen. Which my hand quickly covered.

"Why is my life so interesting to you?" I asked, still holding on to my scowl.

"Who wouldn't be interested?" She started bubbling like a fangirl. "Aliens, cyborgs, vampires, magic girls, even dragons! You've met all of them!"

Great. All of a sudden, it was like I had become her ambassador to the stars. This was one of the reasons I lived alone.

"Who's next?" she asked. "A valiant wandering samurai? A young and gallant mech pilot? Maybe a fairy princess who'll rescue you from this lonely, pathetic, bachelor lifestyle?"

I momentarily ceased my glower power to roll my eyes and groan.

"Maybe... her?" She leaned in and pointed at the beautiful face that my fingers partially obscured. "Who is she anyway?"

"Do you have to know everything about my personal affairs?" I barked.

"Calm down," she barked back. "I was asking about **her**, not **you.**" She'd made a valid point; one my male logic couldn't deny. Well, if she was just curious about Aisha... I sighed and my face mellowed. As my fingers slipped down, I heard her mutter, "Baka hakujin."

"Her name's Aisha Clan-clan," I calmly said. "She's a C'tarl-c'tarl, a race of alien that's like half-human and half-tiger. They're incredibly strong, about ten times stronger than a human. They also have the ability to transform into ferocious beasts that look like a cross between a tiger and a wolf. Aisha's a crew member on the Outlaw Star, a ship that's earning quite a reputation in bounty hunting circles. She's basically the crew's muscle."

"Oh," she nodded. She sounded genuinely intrigued. I'd forgotten that she didn't even believe in aliens until last week. Guess she **was** just curious. Then she condescendingly quipped, "Now was that so hard?"

I emitted a low guttural growl and turned my chair back to the screen. "Look, I'm busy so go find someone else to pester." Suddenly, I felt my chair being pulled back. The next thing I knew, Makoto's arms crossed over my chest as she held me against her belly.

"You know you're my favorite person to pester," she cooed. She smiled down on me like a succubus and let her breasts rest on top of my head. I was lost for two seconds.

Finally I shook her off. "Yamero!" She stepped back and I swiveled around to face her. I knew what this was all about, so I had to make her understand her position. I spoke calmly and very clearly. "Makoto, I know you were only trying to help, and I appreciate what you did for me and Kiyone, but it was none of you business in the first place. It was just between me and her. And I like to take care of those things myself."

She folded her arms and tilted her head to the side. "How come you're always trying to shut me out?"

"I... Where'd that come from?" She just looked at me, waiting for an answer. Only a woman can do that! Only a woman can say something completely unrelated and justify it with a stare. "Makoto," I sighed, "I'm not shutting you out. This is **my** personal life, as in **private.** And I like my privacy. Wakari ne?"

Once again I turned around and prepared to get back to my day. But if you've ever argued with a woman, you know it doesn't work that way. "Why so secret?" she went on. "You hiding a nuke or something?" Slag it! Why wouldn't she leave? "No, that's not like you. Is it porn?"

Completely unprepared for this accusation, my shock escaped through my mouth in the form of a short impulsive bleat. But Makoto misinterpreted my prudish reaction.

"So **that's** it! You've got a hentai stash on there, don't you?"

"What?!"

She leapt towards the computer and started fighting me for control of the mouse. "Come on, what kind is it? Tentacle? Bondage? Futanari?"

"Food-a-what?!"

She continued to coax me as we contended for the cursor. "Saa, hazukashi-garanai-de." Suddenly, she paused and looked at the screen. "Oh! Choto, choto." She relinquished the gadget and pointed at an all too familiar face. Then she smiled back at me sinisterly as she tapped the screen. "Nekomimi hentai?"

"Nani?!"

"You **like** her! That's why you want to meet her. You have a thing for **catgirls,** don't you?"

I was speechless. However, my cheeks were not without comment.

"Ah! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Makoto staggered back and collapsed on my bed in hysterics. Between guffaws, she rambled off some Japanese. I didn't know what she said, but I was sure I heard the words "joke", "lie", and "idiot".

"Hey! What did you just say?!" I demanded. But she continued to roll on her back holding her sides. I opened my mental dictionary again and searched for the appropriate phrase. "N-Nan... de... Nante ittan-dayo?!"

Almost in tears, she got on all fours and teased me. "Ha ha! Artukei-sama, nyan nyan!"

"Urusai!" But she wouldn't stop laughing. I could feel my face getting really warm, but not from embarrassment. I sprang from my chair. "KIERO!" And as soon as I stood up, she scrambled to her feet and ran out the door, snickering. "Yeah you'd better run, wench!"

* * *

**Episode #7**

**Dojo**

I was making dinner one day. I know that if you ask Justin-kun, he'll play the martyr and say that he did all the cooking. When actually, it was more like every other day. He didn't even make breakfast! Unless you consider pizza as breakfast. But this isn't important. I remember calling for Justin-kun, asking him to get me some potatoes from the garage. I didn't hear him answer so I called again. I turned and looked into the living room, but he wasn't there. I knew I'd seen him sitting there just a minute ago. So I ended up getting the potatoes myself.

About fifteen minutes later, dinner was ready. I called loudly to let Justin-kun know, where-ever he was. But there was no response, again. I didn't even hear footsteps. I called a second time, but still heard nothing. So I started looking for him. He wasn't in the living room or the dinning room. I checked the garage again, but the only thing in there was his old car. I forget the name of it, but it was one of those "time machine" cars. I then went upstairs and checked his room. He wasn't in there. So I checked my room. He wasn't there either. If he was, he would've been in big trouble.

After checking nearly every room in the house, I was ready to give up. I couldn't figure out where he'd gone. Then I noticed something interesting across the hall from the guest bathroom. It was a crack. A big crack. It started at the floor and went at least six feet up the wall. It was straight too; that was the weirdest part.

I was about to take a closer look at it, when I thought I heard someone breathing. I turned and was startled to see Justin-kun standing next to me! I yelled at him, "Don't do that!" and threw a punch at him. But he subtly moved out of the way and avoided my attack. Normally I would've been mad at him for dodging and tried to hit him again, but his evasion was so quick and fluid that it surprised me. I'd never seen him move like that before. His face was slightly flushed, he was sweating a little, and his breathing was a bit heavy. He was holding a glass of water in one hand and he was smiling. But it wasn't his regular smile; his conceited little smirk. This smile was more relaxed; relieved. I kind of liked it.

He took a sip from his glass and politely asked if I needed anything, which was also surprising. I told him that dinner was ready and he smiled widely, thanked me, and headed toward the stairs. On the way down, I asked him where he had gone. He said he was outside, but I never heard the door open. I then asked if he was OK and he said he was fine, he'd just been running. The first thing I thought was, _Since when does he run?_

Later that night, I got out of bed and returned to inspect the crack. I don't know what made me so curious about it. Maybe it was just the overall curious feeling I had about Justin-kun. There was something he was trying to hide, and he didn't know it, but that just made him all-the-more intriguing. The crack wasn't very wide; you could just barely fit a coin inside it. Using a slip of paper, I was surprised at how deep it was. From bottom to top, it was about three or four centimeters. About the same thickness... as a door. Quietly, I knocked on the wall on either side of the crack. There was a pitch change! I tried to pry it open by digging my fingernails into the crack. It hurt and it didn't do anything. So I started feeling around for a frame or hinges or a switch or button; something that could give me a clue how to open it. I found nothing.

I rested against the wall as I tried to figure out a way to open the door. Suddenly, there was a clacking noise and I felt the wall move just a little. I looked and saw that the wall had been pushed in and there was now a definite doorframe. I wiggled it gently and the door started to slide. I slid it open all the way and was amazed at what I saw. Inside, the floor was covered with straw mats and there were hundreds of swords, knives, axes, and other assorted weapons covering the walls. It was a replica of a classic dojo! Like the kind I'd seen in old samurai movies. And it was huge! Too huge!! I knew that the little three-foot-wide linen closet was right around the corner, and Justin-kun's room was right next to that. That was four feet of space at most. But this place seemed ten times bigger than that! It couldn't possibly fit in that little wall space, but there it was! I thought, _It's got to be a trick._ I stepped inside, half-expecting to bump into a mural at any second. But before I knew it I was standing in the center of the dojo. I looked up and about twenty feet above my head was a skylight. It gave me a perfect view of the night sky as the stars shone down and illuminated the room. "Wow," was all I could say.

I started looking at all the different weapons on the walls. There were beautiful katanas, several bo staffs, daggers of every shape and size, some fantasy blades that were obviously for decoration only, longswords from all over Europe, a shield for nearly every country, and some weapons I didn't have a clue where they were from. I had no idea Justin-kun was such an avid collector. I picked up a wooden practice sword and started swinging it around just for fun. I imagined that I was in the tutelage of a great sword master. "Oh. Sasuga, Jinnai-san," I said to myself; mimicking the master. "Domo arigato, sensei," I bowed. Then I laughed.

Suddenly, a light came on and I heard a voice say, "Sensei online."

It scared me and I screamed, "Nani!?"

Then the voice said, "Level 9 selected. Initiating training sequence."

I had no idea what was going on. Before I could decide what to do, gun turrets came out of the ceiling and started shooting lasers at me!! I started running for the door and I was almost there when a part of the floor dropped out from under me!! I fell forward and grabbed on to the edge. As I pulled myself up, I could feel my feet getting really warm. I looked down and I couldn't believe my eyes! I was dangling over a fire pit!! I quickly pulled myself out and started to crawl towards the door. Just then, I felt something cold grab my ankle and I was pulled into the air! I looked and saw that I was being held upside down by a metal hand at the end of a long tentacle-like arm! Then two others came out of no-where and grabbed my other leg and both my hands. I struggled to get free, but then a giant gun came and aimed right at me! A light started to glow at the end of the barrel and I could hear it charging up. I closed my eyes. This was a bad dream. This just had to be a bad dream!

Then I heard a swishing noise and a tiny metal clang. I opened my eyes again and saw the front half of the gun fall off. I heard the noise three more times and then I fell onto the floor. I looked up and saw Justin-kun standing next to me holding a longsword! Then he shouted something and all the machines stopped. I don't know what it was, but it sounded like "sa-ri-bu-ro." Next he said some more words and the machines vanished and the dojo went back to normal. He looked down at me with a tired expression, helped me up, and then he said, "Do you even understand what 'private' means?"

For the next few days I thought about that night. None of it made sense. A room like that couldn't possibly exist behind that little crack. It had to have been a dream. I wondered if it ever happened at all. I wanted to go and see if the door was still there, but I was afraid that it would be. It was the single most terrifying night of my life... so far. I also thought about Justin-kun. Why would someone like him have a room like that? I knew Justin-kun was a slacker, a jester, a prude, and sometimes a jerk. But a warrior? It just didn't make sense! He really **had** changed since the last time I saw him. Or maybe he was always like this; I just never dug deep enough to find it. No. No, it was neither. The man who saved me that night, the man whose house I was living in, it wasn't Justin-kun at all. It was Artukei-san. A complete stranger.

* * *

**Episode #8**

**Hot Springs Confessions**

"Ahhh. Oohh. Little lower, little lower. Oh yeah, that's the spot. Oooohoohoohooo. Ooh yeah, let you fingers do the walking."

"You like?"

"Magic fingers indeed, Washu-chan. You give one hell of a massage."

"Thank you."

"Thanks again for letting us come over and use the onsen. I won't lie. This was a good idea. But don't tell Makoto I said that." She'd been bugging me all summer about wanting to go to a spa. Sorry, but I'm not paying those kind of prices! Not when I could get the same treatment for free over here. Also, the U.S. doesn't have many hot springs. Unless Makoto wanted to jump into Old Faithful. Thinking of what that would be like, I chuckled to myself as I lay face-down on the table.

"Oh. Did I find a tickle spot?" Washu asked as she rubbed my bare back.

"Huh? No, I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing."

'_I'm melting! Meeeeeeltiiiiiiiing!!'_

_Hee hee hee!_

As Washu's fingers continued to gently bore into my skin, I allowed myself to become lost in bliss. The murmur of the water became mistakable for the lullaby of a goddess. Its therapeutic minerals gave the steam a sweet-yet-sour bouquet. When combined with the fragrance of the massage oils, the result was an aroma so delectable I shivered slightly on every inhale. This vapor candy then melded with the balmy air, creating a fog of euphoria. I floated on a cloud higher and higher into the air. Away from the world. Away from all my earthly troubles. Up. Up in the sky. Just floating.

"So, how are things with you and Makoto-san?"

I'M HIT! I'm going down! Mayday! Mayday! I'm bailing out! "Uhg. New topic, please. I'm here to relax."

"Oh, surely it can't be **that** bad."

"Please don't press the issue, Washu."

"Alright," she said, and continued her ministrations. "How's-"

"It sucks. It totally sucks. Sucks more than I ever thought it would." Someone released the pressure valve. "I swear, I can't get a moment's peace with that girl. She's always poking her nose into my business. Which reminds me, we're gonna hafta upgrade SENSEI's security parameters."

"She got in?"

"**And** started the simulator. Don't ask me how."

"Is she alright?"

"Regrettably," I mumbled. Suddenly, something swiftly and sharply swatted my sit-upon. "Ai!" I clutched the towel that was around my waist and sat up. "Washu-chan, I told you no funny stuff."

She was glaring at me. "That was for speaking rudely of such a nice girl. Now lie back down."

"Nice girl?!"

"**I said lie down!**" she hollered, and abruptly pushed my face into the table.

"Mmmff! Nice girl?" I protested. "You wanna hear about how '**nice**' she is? She teases me, violates my privacy, **beats me** in my own home, and on a lesser note, she's a very sloppy house guest. The guestroom looks like a pigsty. And the bathroom. Uhhg! Don't get me started on the bathroom. I don't get it! In the kitchen she's a total neat freak. And speaking of which, the curry she made last night was so hot I AAAAAAUUUUUUUGG! Oooh. Ooh, thank you." My rant was cut short as Washu pressed her palm into my lower back. Man, did I need this! That sweet soothing crack turned me into jelly.

I calmly continued, my voice slightly muffled as I relaxed into the table. "In all seriousness Washu, she's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do with her. I just want her out."

I always knew when Washu was being serious with me. Her voice would become low, but there was caring in it, tranquility, and warmth. It reminded me of my mom. "I think you have to let her **in** first," she said.

"Huh? Aww, Washu. Not you too," I moaned.

"It may sound crazy, but hear me out. Think about it. Why did she come there in the first place?"

"She says she quit her job at the ryokan so she could start her own restaurant in Metrolex."

"Let me be more specific. Why did she come to **you?**"

"Cuz I'm the only American she knows. And she knows I'm easier to play than an air-guitar," I grumbled.

"Why else?"

"That's it. There is no 'why else'."

There was a snort. A snort that could only come from a stifled laugh.

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked back. "What?"

"Nothing," she smiled.

"Washu-chaaaaan?"

"Well, why would she go all the way over to America to start a restaurant when she could easily open one here?"

"Exactly what I want to know! Why'd she come stateside in the first place? What's the incentive?"

She just stared at me.

"What?"

Washu smiled as if to say, 'you're cute when you're stupid.' Then she tilted her head down and raised her eyebrow. I half expected it to peel off her face and point at me.

"Wait. Wait, you think that... you think she's... That's crazy!"

"I warned ya."

I shuddered. "Eew! No! No-ho-ho no! No way on Earth or Hell. Besides, I doubt she's even capable of that emotion."

"Well, people have a funny way of surprising you."

"Well, she's a got a **funny way** of showing it," I quipped as I lay back down. "If that were the case! Which it's not!"

Washu sighed, unconvinced. "Whatever the case is, you're stuck with her. If you want my advice, I'd tell you to try and make the best of it."

"I guess," I mumbled. _Make the best of it, huh?_ I thought. _Well, it is __**my**__ house. Maybe I can make her my slave. Heh heh._ I felt Washu's hand slap my 'hinder once more. "OW! What-"

"Big mosquito," she spurted. "Anywho. You believe in karma, right? Maybe if you showed Makoto-san more respect, in return she'd be more respectful of you."

She **did** have a good point.

"Think about that, I'll be right back."

As she left, I contemplated our conversation and reflected on everything that'd happened these last few weeks; Makoto's actions **and** my own. I knew it was the most obvious deduction of the century, but, "Washu's right," I thought aloud. "Maybe if I treated Makoto more like a person and less like a nuisance... She's been a sloppy houseguest. Well, **I've** been a pretty crappy host. She's so far from home, and this is her first time in America, I should do something to make her feel more welcome. Hey, maybe I could..."

My train got derailed as I felt a sudden coolness on my backside. I groped my bottom, searching for terrycloth. "Where's my towel?" I heard someone snickering behind me. "Washu!" I groaned. "I told you no funny stuff!"

"Looking for this?"

That voice. It wasn't Washu's. I looked back. "Wha... Makoto!?" She was standing half-way across the room waving my towel like she'd captured the enemy flag. There was a small bundle under her other arm. MY CLOTHES. I nearly leapt off the table, but the risk of indecency glued my hips down. "You... give me those!!"

"Ha ha!" she laughed, and ran off into another section of the onsen.

"HEY!! Get back here!! Grrrrrrrr!" She'd forced me into a revolting situation. I gingerly slid off the table, covered my... er... self, and quickly dove into the surrounding vegetation. I listened for a minute to figure out which way she went. Soon I heard a distant girl giggle just to my right. I silently crept through the exotic foliage until I heard splashing on the other side of some thick brush. I crouched down and prepared to attack. _Decency be damned. This bitch is dead meat. She wants a naked Artukei? She's getting a naked Artukei!_ I sprang into the open! "GOTCHA!" And my face immediately went plaster white.

I was standing at the edge of a pool, arms up like a grizzly. And in that pool was not Makoto-san, but Ryoko. And Ayeka. And Mihoshi. **And** Kiyone. And all five of our faces shared the same expression. All was still for half a second, but it felt like a millennium. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. Then Ayeka and Mihoshi both screamed bloody murder. I'm not sure, but I think I caught Ryoko staring. And Kiyone yelled, "Justin, what the hell are you doing!?"

My face turned into a tomato and my hands went down so fast I think I killed my future right there. But before I could retreat, a saké bottle hit me in the forehead, I slipped, and I fell into the pool. When my head resurfaced I heard laughter from nearby. I didn't need to see who it was. I knew that laugh very well. "**MAKOTO-SAN!! KOROSU!! ZETAI-NI KOROSU!!**"

As the water around me started to boil, I'm pretty sure I heard Ryoko mutter, "Wow. Haven't seen that in a while."

**(End Chapter 4)**

* * *

Sorry this chapter was so short, but before I went any further, I really wanted to cement the fact that Makoto is such a pain. The Houseguest from Hell! The Bane of Artukei's Existence! And I think I've accomplished that, don't you? :)


	5. Mr Nice Guy

"Holy Miyazaki!"

Guess '08 wasn't as prosperous as I thought it would be. Only one chapter?! I am so sorry everybody. I feel terrible. But I've been busy in Reality. Believe it or else, yours truly has gone back to school and is learning new and exciting things about the world of professional acting. I've also been busy laying the groundwork for some other projects. I've gotten ideas for several other stories, including a "Legend of Zelda" fanfic. I might also have one or two websites in the works. When (and if) they go live, I'll be sure and post links on my bio page. Are you stoked? I am! However, the lesson I have learned is this. Apparently, I can only focus on one project/story at a time. So I've put those on the back burner for now. That being said, let's get this show out of the grave and back on the road! Read, laugh, cry, and as always, enjoy.

(sings) _I get knocked down! But I get up again! You're never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down...._

* * *

**Episode #9**

**Assemble the Rifters**

Artukei said he wanted to have a little get together. You know, hang out. He told me to meet him at a paint-ball range near his neighborhood. Washu programmed the coordinates and prepared to teleport me there direct from the lab. "Everything's all set." She hugged me and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. "Have fun, sweetie," she said.

"Thanks hon," I said.

"When you're ready to teleport back, just call me and let me know. But don't stay out too late. Remember to play nice with the other kids. Don't talk to strangers. Look both ways before crossing the street. Stay away from strange women. And never ever..."

"Alright, **mom**," I grinned. I knew she was joking.

Washu winked at me, blew me one last kiss, and the next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a forest. I looked around, but nobody was there. _Oh no, _I thought. _She's done it again._ Then I noticed multi-colored splashes on all the trees. Before I could react, a bullet whizzed by and hit a tree, splattering me with a little paint. "Hey, watch it!" I yelled.

Then someone stood up from behind a nearby shrub. It wasn't Artukei, but he was just as tall and almost twice as big. He was covered from head to toe with camo-colored cyber armor. He looked kind of like a chunky Master Chief. "**You** watch it, twerp," he bellowed from behind his helmet.

"Who you calling twerp, biggun?" I snapped. Not my smartest move.

He stepped away from the shrub and approached me. "Since you're not carryin' a gun, I was gonna go easy on ya. But now you're really startin' to push it."

From farther away, another figure emerged from hiding. His gear wasn't as over-the-top; just goggles and a face mask. "What's going on over there?" he called.

Mr. Roboto called back over his shoulder, "Just some smartass intruder, Art."

_Art?_

I saw the other one walk forward and raise his goggles. Then he started running towards us. "That's no intruder," he said. "That's my point man. Time out!" As he ran up, I could see he was wearing glasses underneath his goggles. Then he removed his protective mask.

"Artukei!" I said.

The big one turned to him. "You know this kid?"

"Yes, and he's no kid," he said. "This is DJ. The one I've been telling you about."

"The new Rifter?"

Artukei nodded.

The big one looked back at me, then at his feet. "Aww crap," he sighed.

"Teleporter trouble?" he asked me.

"You might say that," I said.

Another player approached us; a girl this time. "What happened?" she asked.

"My partner showed up," said Artukei.

Just then, another familiar face floated down from the trees. It was Ozz. Artukei just stared at him for a moment, then Ozz nodded and zipped off.

"Hey, uh..." the gorilla piped up, "sorry 'bout the twerp remark. And the smartass."

"**I'm** sorry about the biggun crack," I said. "And I think I deserved the smartass."

Artukei just looked at us for a second, then he said, "Well, now that that's under the bridge, allow me to do the introductions. Deej, this is Red; hardcore gamer and weapons specialist. Red, this is DJ; the ultimate Washu fan-boy."

He took off his helmet and I saw why they called him Red. His hair and his eyes were **bright crimson**. Normally I'd be creeped out at first by anyone or anything with red eyes, but his were different. They were strong and fierce, but also warm and friendly. "Nice ta meet'cha," he said with a chubby smile.

I shook his hand. "Likewise," I grinned.

"So is it true?" Red asked me. "Did you really marry Washu?"

I smiled and flashed him my wedding band.

"Dude, I didn't know you could do that here," he said. "The bishies better watch out now."

"No offense, bro," Artukei said smiling, "but I don't think they'll have to. You're about as subtle as a rhino."

"I wasn't talkin' about me. I was talkin' about you, Mr. Ladies' Man."

"Wha... Urusai!"

Red laughed. "Ha ha! He blushed! Did'ja see it?"

Artukei looked away and cleared his throat. Then he motioned towards the third player, who was just a few inches shorter than me. "And this is the lovely Miss Ozymandius Jones; RPG mistress and artisan."

Ozymandius took off her mask and goggles and her wavy blonde hair bounced down, stopping just at her shoulders. She smiled at me with her brown eyes and said, "Hey, what's up?"

Artukei leaned over. "She's also a girl."

"I can see that," I said. "Artisan?" I asked her.

"I just do some fan art," she said. "It's nothing really."

"You gotta check out her portfolio sometime, man," Artukei said. "She's awesome!"

"Only because all you guys can draw are stick figures. I'm not **that** good."

"Ah, charmingly modest," Artukei teased. "A classic sign of a true lady."

Then Ozy lifted her gun and aimed the barrel at Artukei's head at point blank range. "You want to add 'irrational scorn' to that list?" she smirked.

"No. Please?" Artukei squeaked.

Red and Ozy both looked about my age. Out of the four of us, Artukei definitely looked the oldest; what with the height and the facial hair. They all acted like they'd been friends for a long time. "How'd you all meet?" I asked.

"Back in Reality," Artukei said. "I met Jonesy through her deviant art page. And Red,.... we were playing Halo and-"

"No we weren't, dude" Red interrupted.

"You met on the forums of an Aisha shrine," Ozy said.

"You don't even own and X-Box," Red added.

Artukei glanced away, somewhat mortified.

Red snickered.

"Who's Aisha?" I asked.

"Ever see 'Outlaw Star'?" Red asked.

I thought about it for a second, then I remembered the show that was on Cartoon Network's Toonami a few years ago. I didn't see much of it, but I remembered a dark-skinned beast-girl who was always yelling. "Oh! That bitchy catgirl?" Oops.

Suddenly, Red's face twitched and then he and Artukei glared at me. I'm not sure, but I'm almost positive Red's eyes were glowing. Whether they were or not, it was still pretty scary.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ozy swat her forehead. "Real smooth," she said.

_Mommy,_ I cried internally. I almost pressed the call button for Washu to bring me home right there.

Luckily just then, Ozz came back totting a paintball gun, a face mask, and a pair of goggles and handed them to me. "Thanks Ozz," I said. Phew! Saved by the Zilder!

He chirped and nodded as if to say, "You're welcome."

"Alrighty then," Artukei yelled. "Let's get this bad boy started!"

Red put his helmet back on. "And no fair using Ozz as a scout," he said.

"You're one to talk. You've got infra-red!"

"Kuso!" he blurted, and tromped off.

As I finished putting on my gear, I leaned over to Artukei and Ozymandius. "What's with the full-metal monkey suit?" I asked.

"Red never goes anywhere without at least one of his toys," Artukei said.

"This is nothing," Ozy added. "You should've seen him when we went camping."

~:~:~:~

And now, "The Legacy of Artukei" is proud to present...

**A Crash Course in Japanese 101!**

**Part 1!**

It has occurred to me that some of my readers might not understand Japanese. So here is a handy list of words and phrases that you can use in everyday life.

First and foremost...

**Japanese Vowel Sounds**

Compared to English, Japanese vowels are actually quite easy. **Our** vowel letters, a-e-i-o-u, each have **at least** two or three pronunciations. That's **more than ten** vowel sounds. But the Japanese language only has **eight**. How easy is that?

A = ah, like "mama"

E = eh, like "men"

I and Y = ee, like "see"

O = oh, like "go"

U = oo, like "you"

Other vowel sounds are represented by combining two letters.

AI and AY = I, like "cry"

EI = ay, like "play"

OI = oy, like "boy"

Now that that's out of the way, let's get started.

**Konnichiwah. (koh-nee-chee-wa)**

This is the standard greeting in Japan. It literally means "good afternoon."

**Ohayo gozaimasu. (oh-hi-yo go-za-ee-mas)**

This means "good morning." It's shorter form "_ohayo_" will suffice as well.

**Konbanwah. (kon-ban-wa)**

You guessed it. "Good evening."

**Sayonara. (sai-yo-na-ra)**

This is a formal "good-bye" and is usually used with someone you don't expect to see again for a while. If you're saying good-bye for the day to a friend or family member, these informal phrases are much more suitable. **"Mata ne." (ma-ta neh) "Ja mata." (jah ma-ta) "Ja ne." (jah neh)** These mean 'see you later' or just 'later.'

**Gomenasai. (go-men-na-sai)**

This is a typical 'I'm sorry.' A shorter "_gomen_" is also acceptable. However, if you did something **really** bad and you're **really** sorry, slap a **hontoni (hon-toh-nee) **in front of it. Like this. **"Hontoni gomenasai."** This is a wonderful display of humility and sincerity.

But I know what you really want to know.

**Translations from Episodes #1 and #2**

"_Hai?" _"Yes?"

"_Tasukete. Onegai?"_ "Help me. Please?"

"_Genki dashite. Ne?"_ "Cheer up. OK?"

"_So nan-dayone!"_ "I know!"

Note: This is a really irritated way of saying it.

This is a more casual phrase. **"Wakari desu." (Wa-ka-ree dess)** = "I understand."

"_Haiyaku!"_ "Hurry!"

"_Kampai!"_ "Cheers!"

"_Oi! Taykit offu!"_

Note: This isn't Japanese at all. Instead, it's an example of an English phrase written in Japanese phonetics.  
"Hey! Take it off!" is what Makoto's trying to say, but she's so hammered that her foreign language skills are all but gone.

"_Dai jobu desu-ka?"_ "Are you OK?"

"_Dai jobu. Dai jobu yo."_ "I'm OK. I'm OK."

"_Atsui."_ "Hot."

"_Dou? Kire desu-yo?"_ "What do you think? Aren't I pretty?"

"_Kawaii!"_ "Cute!"

"_Ne, ne!"_ "Hey, c'mon!"

"_Ie, ie! Chigau-yo!"_ "No, no! That's wrong!"

"_Boku ga Makoto-san o suki."_ "I like Makoto."

"_Honto?" _"Really?"

"_Kisu shite."_ "Kiss me."

"_Urusai!"_ "Shut up!"

"_Kono hentai!"_ "You pervert!"

If you want to learn more about the Japanese language and culture, check out the language section of you book-store or library.

And yes, I realize how corny that sounds.

An even better way is to watch anime and Japanese films with subtitles on.

In addition to some books, of course.

~:~:~:~

**Episode #10**

**Mr. Nice Guy**

"OK. We all set? You all ready Makoto-san?"

"When you asked if I wanted to help, I didn't think you'd make me do **this**."

"Oh, c'mon. What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with it?! Are you kidding? Look at me!"

"It's cute." I turned to my guest. "Help me out here. Doesn't she look cute?"

"Oh yes. Makoto-san, you look adorable!"

"I don't do adorable," she snarled.

"Please Makoto-san? It was Ozz's idea."

"Zyooo?" Ozz chirped.

"He'll be so sad if you don't do it."

"Uuwee," he sighed.

Makoto groaned. "OK, fine."

"Yosh! Alright here we go. Ozz, on my mark. 5... 4... 3..."

Summer was just winding down. The leaves in the oak forest that cradled our cul-de-sac were starting to transform from rich green to deep red just at the tips. A clear indication that fall was right around the corner. I woke up and got to the kitchen just in time to smell the lingering ghosts of Makoto's breakfast. Correction; **lunch**. She grinned at me from the living room couch. "Ohayo, Rip Van Wrinkle," she quipped with annoyingly-chipper, vomit-inducing, shut-up-or-I'll-punch-you-into-the-next-county morning person vitality.

I laughed dryly. "Ha ha ha. And it's Rip Van **Winkle**," I grumbled.

After a quick meal of milk and pop-tarts, I sauntered into the living room. Makoto was surfing through American day-time TV with a stark expression of un-amusement. "Well that looks productive," I said.

Makoto glared up at me. "Excuse me, but when did I become your slave girl?" she hissed.

"Jotan, jotan," I said calmly and with a soft smile. "I'm just saying you look a little bored. I'm going into the city to meet a friend. You should come along."

"And why would I want to do that?"

"The only time you saw the city was through the window of the cab that drove you here from Earhart International, right?"

She glanced away for just a second.

My intuition was right on the money. She'd been to the stores and other areas around my house, but had never seen the city itself. I smiled a little more. "That's no way to experience a city, Makoto-san. C'mon, we'll give you the grand tour. Whadaya say?"

She turned her attention back towards the tube.

"OK. Or you can stay there on your butt and watch soaps and talk shows for the rest of the day. It's your choice." I walked out of the room and towards my shoes in the foyer. When I bent down to pick them up, I heard the TV turn off. I turned around and saw Makoto headed for the stairs.

"I'll get my coat," she sighed.

There was a subway station about a block from my neighborhood. As we walked I got an all too familiar feeling. I glanced above my shoulder and saw Ozz staring at me. His cheeks were pushing his eyelids up, turning his eyes into little black half-moons.

_Quit smiling at me like that. It's embarrassing._

He giggled audibly.

"So who's this friend you're meeting," Makoto asked. "One of your camping buddies?"

"No," I said. "I met her only about a year ago. Actually, it was right after I moved here."

--

Spring was just at its peak. The flowering trees of Hancock Park, especially the dogwoods and redbuds, were proudly displaying bounties of pristine blossoms. As I leisurely strolled through the park, I took in everything. The Now: the cool breeze running its fingers through my hair; the warm sun massaging my chest; the fresh air in my lungs; the trees whispering to each other; the soft yet vivid colors, like cashmere eye candy. The Then: the unpacking that I had finally finished; the continuous jumps between dimensions that stressed my mind to its limits; the lies I had to invent for my folks; the life that I had disowned. And the To Come: the new existence that awaited me; the first life that I would have complete control over; the first time that I would not be crippled by unrealistic expectations from a cold and colorless world that refused to understand or progress. I asked myself at that moment the same way I would years later. Had I made the right choice? Back then, I only needed to look around me for the answer. Yes, unanimously.

Ozz frolicked in mid-air among the trees and flowers. He hummed to himself merrily; clearly in his happy place. For some reason, the people of Metrolex weren't disturbed at all by the presence of a flying, cobalt-blue ferret. As I people-watched from a park bench, I soon found out why. I saw a young lady with a pet **fox-squirrel** in her purse. I saw a college student with a backpack on one shoulder and a **persocom** on the other. I saw pokémon trainers walking with their **pikachus**, **eevees**, **growlithes**, and so on! I had forgotten that in this world strange yet cute critters were a norm, among other things. Also, Metrolex was one of the biggest cultural melting pots in America.

And as one of the few world cities with its own shuttle-port, the city's gates were open to the entire universe! In the years to come, Metrolex would have the most diverse populace on Earth. But I'm getting ahead of things.

Thinking I'd rested long enough, I was about to get off my bench when suddenly I heard a CRACK, followed by a YELP, then a simultaneous RUSTLE and WHUMP behind me. Startled, my head whirled around and saw a few rattling shrubs planted at the base of a tree. "What in the matrix?" I thought aloud.

Ozz whizzed to my side. _What happened?_

"You got me. Fat pigeon?"

"Itai!" the shrub moaned.

We both blinked.

_Fat __**talking **__pigeon?_ Ozz asked.

I carefully stepped towards the bushes, parted the branches, and peered inside. "Hey, you OK in there?"

--

"Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Yuki Saiko!"

--

"Artukei-san!" Yuki raced up and hugged me, as was her usual greeting. Her brown eyes glittered in the afternoon sun and her signature yellow bow held her light brown hair in a cute ponytail.

I smiled and hugged her back feeling her soft and fuzzy shawl under my fingers. "Yuki-chan, how's it goin'?" I let her go and brought our guest over. "This is Makoto Jinnai. She's a friend from out of town."

"Nice to meet you," Yuki said, bowing slightly. "I'm Yuki Saiko, but please call me Yuki."

"Nice to meet you too. And call me Makoto."

After introductions, I let her in on the plan. "I was going to give Makoto-san a little tour of the city while we were out."

"Oh good!" Yuki turned to Makoto. "You've got a great guide. Artukei-san knows the city better than anyone. So where are we going first?"

"Well, I need to do some shopping, so I was thinking about The Rocks."

Yuki turned in surprise. "The Rocks? Do you have than kind of money?"

"Wasn't really planning on buying, Yuki-chan. I just like to look."

"Sokka," she chuckled. "So-yo-ne. Alright! The Rocks it is! Shall we take the tubes or the rail?"

"You even have to ask? The L-ray, hands down. Best way to see the city."

Makoto was completely lost in the vernacular. "El ray? The 'rocks'? Where are we going; a quarry?"

I couldn't keep myself from laughing. "Quarry?! Ha ha! Haven't heard that one yet!" Yuki and I started walking towards the nearest station. "Ha ha ha! Ah, typical tourist," I sighed.

Makoto looked more puzzled than a jigsaw. "What?!"

The L-ray; Metrolex slang for the **elevated electric rail**. We boarded the train and I approached a city map on one of the walls. "Makoto-san, kochi." She came over as my finger was on top of a purple blob near the bottom. "**This** is The Rocks; Metrolex's southern most and **swankiest** borough. They have the best shops and restaurants in the city."

"Not to mention housing," Yuki added. "Deluxe penthouses. Eight-bedroom mansions. Only the elite of the elite reside there. It's also where Mayor Beardsley lives."

"So, consequently, it's also the most **expensive** borough," I said.

"Where do **you** live?" Makoto asked.

My finger moved all the way up to the green blob at the top. "**Haven**, a.k.a. 'middle-class Metrolex'," I joked. Haven was your typical suburban community; filled with skipping school-children, minivan mothers, warm-hearted retirees, skateboarding teens, grocery stores, churches, soccer fields, and five corporate franchises for every mom-and-pop store. "And I live right.... there," I said, tapping with my index finger. My house was right on the border between Haven and the central borough.

My finger then proceeded to drift down into the large patch of yellow that took up most of the map. "**This** is where we are right now. **Lincoln**; the heart of Metrolex." And it was. A harmonious network of conglomerates, courthouses, and concert halls where the brokers and the bohemians, the lawyers and the lovesick, the demigods and the dreamers all intermingled. Man-made Olympuses scratched at the sky like giant redwoods. Whilst museums, art galleries, mega-stores, and mid-to-low income apartments huddled among their roots like colorful flowerbeds. As we continued to ride, I pointed out several iconic locales. Forrest Street, McMurphy Theater, Armstrong Stadium, and the Atlas Records building just to name a few. And quite literally in the middle of it all stood the pinnacle of The Great American City; Lincoln Tower. Over 2,000 feet of steel and glass that shone like a pillar of golden fire. It was just an average office building. It was a tourist trap. But more than anything, it was the proud and majestic symbol of one of the greatest cities on Earth.

Once again, The Monster transformed before my eyes, and Makoto's childlike side was finally revealed to me. She was in absolute awe. Her eyes and smile were big and bright with innocent wonder. Her nose and fingers left smudges on the train's windows. I'd forgotten that she'd never been to a big city, not even Tokyo. I guess she was still just a bumpkin at heart.

Makoto gasped when we came to a clearing the in the concrete jungle and saw nothing but green. "And that's Hancock Park," Yuki said. "At 800 acres, it's a biggest park in the city."

_Yuki should do this professionally, _I joked to myself. She almost sounded like a guide from a Disney Park. "Haven has a park too," I added. "**Roosevelt Park. **It's not nearly as big as Hancock, but it's been voted the city's most beautiful. Kids take first dates there all the time."

As we glided past, I spied the station for the #21 line across the park. Right then, I came up with the perfect way to end our little tour.

Moments later, we arrived in the land of penthouses, prestige, and $20 ceasar salads. The Rocks: where concrete looked like porcelain and the smell of taxi exhaust was overpowered by espresso and chanel. The entire area sparkled like a diamond in the rough. Appropriate, since this was also the home of the diamond district. Still, you'd think dirt was outlawed. I liked to joke with myself sometimes and imagine a maitre d on the platform stopping us and saying, "I'm terribly sorry sir, but this is a '**black tie**' borough." Not that people in The Rocks were snooty. Well, **most **people.

We stepped into a coffee shop near the station. Now we didn't come to The Rocks just to get a cup of coffee, this was just a convenient sidetrack. Yuki inhaled deeply. "Mmm. Smells so good."

"You girls want anything?" I cheerfully offered.

"No thanks," Makoto said. "I'm more of a tea person."

"They've got that too. Over 30 flavors."

"But those are just.... oh." Makoto's avoidance maneuver got sideswiped by the **pastry case **and her eyes began to roam over the tarts, muffins, danishes, and cakes. She bit her lower lip, signaling her inner conflict between pride and indulgence.

This sweet scene (pun intended) invoked a jolly chuckle from my throat. I patted her shoulder softly. "C'mon. My treat."

Makoto stared at me, genuinely muddled. It was actually **very** cute.

"Think of it as some overdue Yankee hospitality," I smiled.

--

"You don't have to," the girl said. "I'm fine. Really."

"Please, I insist," I said. "It's not everyday a cute girl falls in my lap. Or, I guess, shrub in this case." After pulling her out of the bushes, I helped the girl over to a nearby café. She **was **pretty cute: big brown eyes, light brown ponytail, adorable yellow ribbon. She was still a little shaken from the fall. So I tried to soothe her with some small-talk while we waited for our drinks. "What were you doing up there anyway?" I asked. "Birdwatching?"

Her soft voice struggled to escape her tiny quavering lips. "I..."

"WHAT?!"

She sat straight up at my outburst and my head snapped towards the blue squirrel on my shoulder. I squinted at him questioningly then looked back at her. She looked at me like I was holding an axe.

My cheeks went crimson. "'Scuse us a sec," I smiled sheepishly, then turned back to Ozz. _What did you say?_ After a few seconds of private conversation, I stared at the girl, my eyebrow cocked. "**Were** you spying on me?"

She gasped and her face flushed. Her voice faltered as she tried to answer, but one wasn't necessary.

My expression and my voice became more stoic. "Why?" I asked as unthreateningly as possible.

She calmed down, took a deep breath, and looked me square in the eye. "Mr. Artukei," she said, now suddenly completely business, "I'm from a special organization that monitors extra-planar occurrences, what we call '**third attractions**', on the planet Earth. Now please don't be alarmed but.... we have reason to believe that your house on 145 Kennedy Street is... an epicenter for inter-dimensional activity."

I stared back in shock and partial guilt. _Aw frak. Busted._

* * *

**~~MID-EPISODE BREAK~~**

After this, I'll know how many of my readers watch Discovery.

I love the magic  
I love the brave heroes  
I love big robots  
I love the kemonos  
I love the whole world  
And all its fantasy  
Boom-di-yada, boom-di-yada  
Boom-di-yada, boom-di-yada

I love cute critters  
I love the monsters too  
I love the aliens  
And other otaku  
I love the whole world  
It's such a crazy place  
Boom-di-yada, boom-di-yada  
Boom-di-yada, boom-di-yada

I love the cyborgs  
I love the samurai  
I love the psychics  
I love it when whelps cry  
Ametsuchi no  
Daisuki dayo  
Boom-di-yada, boom-di-yada  
Boom-di-yada, boom-di-yada

The world is just sugoi. And now back to our story.

* * *

Taking two girls shopping in The Rocks is like living in tornado alley. You know that disaster is immanent, but for some sick reason you do nothing to avoid it. All you do is strengthen your fortifications. Being surrounded by the best shopping in the city, the girls **had** to look around. I'm convinced it's genetic. You'd never catch me ogling designer shoes I can't possibly afford for two hours. Never, not for shoes. Maybe a kick ass jacket, but not shoes.

Makoto was looking at some swimsuits that were on sale. Only girls look at swimwear after the leaves start to turn. Not wanting to seem like a perv, I focused my attention on some khaki pants. As a consequence, I was completely oblivious of the impish glint in Makoto's eyes.

She called Yuki. "Yuki-san, chotto ii?" She came over and the two started chattering in their native tongue.

Soon, Yuki approached me and said that they were going to the changing rooms. I requested that they be quick. I wanted to get out of there! I had an interview I wanted to conduct before the day was out.

I patiently waited by the rooms for several minutes holding Yuki's purse. Then, I heard Yuki call from behind the door. "Artukei-san, could you help us?"

_Oh boy. Here it comes,_ I sighed. I walked towards their door, each step laden with dread. "'Sup?" I asked, preparing for the worst.

"Justin-san," Makoto asked, "what time is it?"

That's all they wanted? Phew! I couldn't believe I actually dodged the bullet. I brought my wrist to my face. "It's about..."

Suddenly, Makoto threw open the door. "It's **show time**!"

Startled, I looked up. And my face became as red as a maraschino cherry. Less than a foot in front of me, Makoto and Yuki were wearing nothing but sexy string bikinis! For a second there was a flash, and then the image was forever burned into my brain like a mental polaroid. Looking back, I almost wish I **had** a camera. But for the moment, I was too busy glowing like a certain reindeer's nose. And so was Yuki, who was just as much a victim as me. Probably more.

Right after Makoto opened the door, Yuki screeched, leapt back, and covered herself as best she could. While Makoto just leaned back against the wall, laughing her head off over our reactions.

Yuki and I scowled at her simultaneously. "MAKOTO-SAN!!"

"Hee hee. So, you enjoy the show?"

"That wasn't funny, Makoto." We stood away from the register as Yuki made her purchase. I was positively fuming; I'm surprised I didn't trigger the sprinklers. I was also surprised that Makoto had such ample proportions. But that's beside the point. "Did you see Yuki's face?" I chided. "She was completely mortified! You're lucky no-one else saw."

"Mou," Makoto whined. "What do I have to do to make you loosen up?"

"You could start with a plane ticket," I growled.

"I'm just trying to have some fun."

"How'd **you** like to be publicly embarrassed? Would **that** be fun?"

She made a sour face and folded her arms. "Kechi."

"Uso-dayo."

Makoto glanced down and noticed the bag I'd been carrying since the coffee shop. "What's in there, anyway?"

"It's for the interview tonight," I said.

"Interview?" She looked back at the register. "You mean Yuki-san?"

"Mm-hm," I nodded.

Makoto continued to stare in shock at the perfectly ordinary girl wearing a perfectly ordinary shirt, skirt, and shawl paying the cashier. Then her head spun back to me, her eyes glimmering with childlike giddiness. "Who is **she**?" she whispered. "A sorceress? A time-traveler? A magic girl? She's a magic girl, isn't she?"

It almost sounded like she was teasing me. If it were a few months ago, she **would've **been. But I just snickered, "You'll just have to wait and see."

Makoto tugged my arm. "Neeee. C'mon, tell me."

--

"I work for a special police organization that combats inter-dimensional threats. We call ourselves the Attacked Mystification Police; or the A.M.P.," Yuki proudly declared from my couch, wearing her navy and steel-blue uniform.

I leaned forward in my chair. "Now every member of the A.M.P. has a special ability, right Miss Yuki?"

"Yes, that's right. Katsumi's a sorceress. Kiddy's a cyborg. Nami's a Shinto priestess. Lebia's a visionaire."

"For those of you who don't know," I said to the camera, "that's like the ultimate hacker. Oh! Sorry for interrupting Yuki-chan."

"That's OK. Let's see. Lum Cheng is an elementalor. And Chief Mana is a chi master."

"But tell us Yuki, what special skills do **you** bring to the A.M.P.?"

--

"I'd rather not say." The girl spoke quite timidly as we walked through the park.

"Well, I think if I'm gonna help you with your mission, you should tell me as much as you can."

She glanced down at her shoes in what could've been shame. "I'm sorry," she said. "I feel like I've told you too much already."

As we kept walking, I saw a familiar look in her face. It was the same face I had after getting a D in chemistry. "You know what?" I piped up. "It's OK. If you feel that uncomfortable about telling me, I understand."

She looked back up, her expression more at ease. "Well, I should at least contact my superiors first, I suppose. Then we'll see."

"Sounds good. Here." I reached in my pocket and pulled out a pen and the café receipt. Only after writing my number and holding it out did it dawn on me. "But you probably already know how to reach me anyway." Doh!

She smiled cheerfully and allowed a small giggle. "That's true," she said, "but I appreciate the gesture," and took the paper. That was the first time I saw her smile. So pure, so gentle. It could've made birds sing if they weren't already. I hadn't seen a smile like that in forever.

"So you're from **Shining** Tokyo, huh?"

She nodded.

"Incredible. I've heard about that place; about what happened to it. Nearly the entire city was destroyed about a year ago."

"That's true; the city's been through Hell. But our resolve has been quite strong since the restoration period started."

"Picking up the pieces. How ironic," I sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

Soon we came to a crosswalk. "It looks like we part here," she said. "Thank you, Mr. Artukei. I'm sure we'll meet again very soon." Then she bowed and started walking away.

I sighed and leaned against the lamppost, waiting for the signal to change. Then I realized that a cute girl had just plopped into my life (literally) and I had no idea who she was! "Hey wait!" I called back. "I didn't even get your name!"

The girl turned around, still smiling. She was about to speak, when suddenly her expression changed dramatically. Her eyes grew wide, like someone shot 1,000 volts into her spine. Then she rushed forward, grabbed my wrist, and faster than you could say "whiplash", we were a good hundred feet away. She released me, and I was about to ask 'what the hell' when I heard tires squealing. I looked back just in time to see everyone scurrying. Five seconds later, a runaway car crashed into the lamppost right where I was standing! Ozz and I both gasped. Actually, his was more of a squeak. While onlookers crowded, I slowly turned back to my rescuer who panted and gazed at me with worried eyes.

"Who are you?" I whispered. "Really."

--

"I'm kind of like an early warning system," Yuki responded.

"So basically you're a psychic," I said.

Yuki nodded modestly.

_So cute!_ "You can see things before they happen."

Again, she nodded.

I leaned forward and looked over my glasses. "You can see into the future."

"Well, actually…," she started. But then she gave an amused smile. "Oh. I know where this is going."

--

"And there's no way I'm doing it!" Makoto yelled.

"Oh c'mon," I pleaded. We had just gotten off the #21 line in Hancock Park and were standing next to a vendor. "Hot dogs on a bench in Hancock. It's the quintessential city experience!"

"No way! Do you have any idea what's in those disgusting things?"

"Um, yes. Contrary to urban myth, **pork**. Well, beef if you're kosher."

But Makoto wouldn't budge. "No… thank… you," she said in the clearest English I'd ever heard.

It was like talking to The Great Wall. But was I about to give up? I'm thinkin' no. "Why not? Two years ago you made **me** eat raw squid."

"That was completely different! Squid is very nutritious. But **these** are…"

"**I **was open to new experiences and cultures. What about you?"

"I… guh… rrrrrr." I had her.

The sun was just beginning to go down behind the skyscrapers, and the light that shone between them reflected off the park's lake. Making the water glitter with the palette of twilight. We all sat down at a picnic table and munched at our dinner. Makoto actually finished hers before the rest of us, under the façade that she just wanted it to be over with. I personally believe that she enjoyed it that much. As she washed it down with some lemonade, I leaned over and said, "Now was that so hard?" Karma'd.

She looked at me like a kid who was just forced to eat spinach. "If I get worms," she grumbled, "I'm killing you. But not before you pay the medical bills." As expected, Makoto swallowed the dog, but still not her pride. Oh no. Makoto's pride was a chunk of gravel the size of a basketball. Try swallowing that.

_Worms?_ I thought. _Heh! Who would I pay? The hospital or the vet?_

Ozz giggled. And that prompted me to do the same.

"What are you two laughing at?"

"Nothing," I replied. I went back to eating and Ozz resumed slurping his lemonade.

--

Back in the living room, I made a proposition. "Miss Yuki Saiko, for the entertainment of our viewers, would you be so kind as to showcase your talents and read my future?"

Yuki chuckled a bit. I had said it in my corny carny voice. "It'd be my pleasure," she smiled."

"OK," I said. Leaning towards her, I asked her the question that had vexed me for months. "Will I meet Aisha Clan-clan?"

There was a snicker off camera.

--

Suddenly, Yuki set down her meal. "Oh, Artukei-san, I almost forgot. I have something for you." She reached in her purse and pulled out a deck of cards.

"Tarot cards?" I exclaimed.

"I brought them for the show tonight. I thought it'd be fun."

"Can you really read those?" Makoto asked, peering at them with wonder.

"Well, almost," she sheepishly admitted. "Katsumi taught me a little, but I'm still learning. So what do you say, Artukei-san? Would you like me to read your future?"

--

Yuki closed her eyes and concentrated on the future.

--

Yuki hummed merrily as she laid the cards on the picnic table.

--

Finally she opened her eyes. "The details are a little fuzzy, but… yes, I do see you with her."

I thrust my arms upward in jubilation. "Woo! You hear that everyone? There's still hope. We may have Aisha on this show yet!"

--

Yuki laid down the final card and looked at them all with a puzzled expression. "Ooooh. I told you I wasn't very good at this."

Makoto and I looked at the cards intently. "What? What does it say?" I asked.

"Nothing," Yuki said. "That is, it doesn't make any sense. These here say that you'll find true love."

"Seriously?!" I blurted.

"But then these over here say that you will **loose** everything you love and suffer greatly."

"Eww." I sunk back down onto the bench.

"And this one says you will live long…"

"OK, better."

"But these around it either mean your life will be filled with many hardships and little pain **or** few hardships and **immense** pain."

I gulped.

"It's so confusing. Each card contradicts another. I see love **and** despair. Wealth yet poverty."

I sighed. "Well, that's just life I guess. Nothing special when you think about it."

Yuki went on. "And then these up here say what you'll become. You will be…"

Everything hushed as Ozz, Makoto and I hung on her next word.

"You will be… g-.. **God?**"

"WHAT?!?" I yelled. Makoto burst into laughter and fell on her side. Ozz looked at the cards intensely.

"I must be reading that wrong. Let's see…" Yuki started nervously flipping through a booklet. "Hmmm….. oh, nevermind." She closed the booklet and gathered up the cards. "On second thought, I don't think I'll use these for the show afterall. I'll just end up embarrassing myself."

After dinner, we took the #21 line back into Haven. As we walked down Kennedy Street, I glanced down at my bag from the coffee shop. Then I got an idea. A wonderful idea. An evil idea. Artukei got a wonderfully evil idea. "Oi, Makoto-san?"

"Hmm?" she turned.

"I was wondering if you'd like to help out with the interview tonight."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah. Would you?"

--

"You own a coffee shop in Shining Tokyo, right Yuki-chan?"

"Yes, that's right. Labyrinth. I even brought some of my coffee over here."

"Oh great. I was hoping you would." I glanced off camera. "Bring your own coffee." I glanced again. "You own HOMEMADE COFFEE."

Nothing happened. Yuki looked perplexed.

"That's you cue, Makoto-san," I whispered loudly.

"I'm not coming out!" she hollered.

"Makoto, we've been over this. You said you'd do it. C'mon, it'll be fun!"

There was a small growl, and then Makoto stepped into frame. She was wheeling a tea cart with a full tea set and two coffee pots. But the real kicker was that she was dressed like a French maid! She set the pots and tray on the table in front of us. Then she looked at me with forced cheerfulness. "Will there be anything else, Artukei-sa… s… s-sama?" I could see the corner of her mouth twitching.

I didn't hold anything back. I smiled big and conceitedly. "No thank you. That will be all, meido-san." Then I ushered her away, flicking my hand like a Victorian aristocrat. The vein in her forehead looked ready to pop. She turned and walked off with a toothy smile of rage and fake politeness plastered on her face. My inner voice laughed villainously. That was payback for the skimpy stunt she pulled earlier that day. Not to mention stealing my clothes last week at the onsen.

Moving along, I addressed the camera. "Now right before filming, Yuki made two pots of coffee. One using beans from a 5-star coffee bar in The Rocks," I held up the bag, "the other using the beans Yuki brought from her café. We had her make **both** pots so as to eliminate all variables, save for bean prep and quality. I'm going to taste them to see whose is better." The two coffee pots were clearly labeled "ROCKS" and "YUKI." I leaned forward and grabbed one of them. "If I may," I politely stated.

Unexpectedly, Yuki said, "No," and gently ushered away my hand.

I recoiled slightly, totally surprised. "I'm sorry. I thought that…"

"No, it's not that," Yuki corrected. "I made the coffee. I should be serving **you**." She reached forward and grabbed a pot handle. "If I may," she giggled, reciprocating my statement.

I leaned back in my armchair. "Oh, by all means. Thank you." That was Yuki-chan for you; caring and courteous. Unlike someone **else** I knew. There were four cups, and Yuki filled two of them from the "ROCKS" pot. She set it down and we lifted our cups. We took it black; again, no variables. "Kampai!" we both proclaimed. I took a sip. It was strong and bitter, like most coffees. I licked my lips. "Mm. Not bad." Yuki agreed it was rather middle-of-the-road. So next, she poured from the "YUKI" pot into the two remaining cups. We lifted them and proclaimed "kampai" once again. I took a sip and my taste buds jolted! "Wow!" I shouted.

Yuki looked over, worriedly. "Gomenasai. Is it too hot?"

"No, it's fine. It's…" It had a strong taste as well, but there was less bitterness, and the first thing that hit me was the rich flavor. I took another, bigger sip. "I think this is the best coffee I've ever tasted!"

Yuki giggled and turned her head to the side, trying to hide her blushing cheeks.

"Hey, Makoto-san!" I hollered. "You gotta try this!"

"No thanks!" she replied from another room; probably busy changing. "Ah, gomen, Yuki-chan! Demo, o-cha ga suki desu-yo!"

"Zen-zen! Ii yo!" Yuki called back. She looked over. "Ozz, you want some too?"

He vigorously shook his head. "Ozz can't drink anything with caffeine," I said.

"Oh! Does it…?" Yuki asked with a grave expression.

"Oh no," I reassured. "It's just that Zilders and caffeine are a bad mix." I took another sip. "Ahh. Well Yuki-chan, I think that's all the time we have for now." I set down my cup and held out my hand. "Thank you so much for coming."

Yuki set down her cup as well. "Well, thank you for inviting me," she said, shaking my hand.

"Miss Yuki Saiko of Shining Tokyo's AMP, ladies and gentlemen! And as always, I'm Artukei saying," I pointed at the camera, "see you in the black. Ja ne! Later!"

With that, Ozz TK'd the button and the little red light turned off.

I thanked Yuki again and Ozz started to take the camera off the tripod. "No, don't worry," I stopped him. "I'll get that. If you wanna take care of the coffee though…" He nodded and put the pots back on the cart and proceeded to move them all towards the kitchen. I took another sip from my cup.

"So how are you doing?" Yuki asked.

"Still nothing," I said quietly. "But trust me. If anything weird happens, you'll be the first to know." Apparently all the rifting I did while moving stuff in and out of my house had triggered something at the AMP headquarters. That's why they sent Yuki as a scout. When she told them I was just a harmless civilian, and seeing as it was **my** house, they decided to let me in on some of the details. Of course, I knew what was **really** going on, but no way was I about to blow my cover. Since then, they had Yuki stay in Metrolex and become sort of a resident officer. At first I was peeved that my rifting was now under surveillance. But fortunately, I thoroughly enjoyed the company of the person whose job it was to breath down my neck.

"Arigato. But actually, I was asking how **you** are doing," she smiled.

"Oh! Uh… ok, I guess."

"Makoto seems like a handful."

_Finally, somebody gets it!_

"It's nice of you to show her around and make her feel at home."

I smiled a little. "Well, I **was **pretty crummy to her for the first week or so. So this was just some, like I said before, overdue hospitality."

She flashed me a warm smile and sipped her coffee.

"By the way, that was really cute what you did back there," I told her.

"What was?" she asked.

"Looking into the future and seeing me and Aisha. That was good."

She looked even more confused. "What do you mean?"

"Yuki-chan," I said seriously. "You have precognition; you can only see things **right before** they happen. And I know you have **visions**, but those are things you can't control. So there's **no way** you can look into the future and see something that specific." I went back to swirling my drink.

Yuki's expression shifted to hurt. "Well, what if I did? What if I **did** see you and Aisha together?" Then suddenly, Yuki realized this wasn't about her powers. "And what if I said that I think you have a chance with her?"

My head snapped to her surprisedly. "Chance with her?" I was just talking about an interview.

"Makoto-san told me you have a crush on her."

My face flushed and I turned away, grumbling, "That little rassa frassa…"

"Do you?" she innocently asked.

"I… I guess I…," I started sputtering. But then I looked into her kind eyes and my body relaxed. I took a deep breath and released it with a sigh. "Yeah. But it's stupid." My eyes went to the rug.

Yuki scooted closer. "Why? Why is it stupid?"

Why was it not? "We're from completely different worlds. We're not even the same species! She's from a noble family. An imperial ambassador. Graduate with honors. Soldier." My voice quieted, my favorite image of Aisha coming into my mind. "Proud. Capable. And as beautiful as she is strong." _Everything I'm not._

A chubby geek and a smokin' hot warrior babe? Not even in **this** universe! "Guys like me don't get girls like that. If they get girls at all." I looked back at Yuki, her face still full of question and concern. Mine was full of self-loathing. "I'm the Nice Guy, Yuki. I'm the guy with friends who are girls, but no girlfriend. Me and her? C'mon look at me. Look at this." I patted my chubby stomach. "Why would she want that?" _Who __**would**__?_ I sunk back into my chair. "I'm not the bad boy. I'm not the jock. And I'm certainly not the underwear model. I'm just nice." I sighed again as my head fell back and stared at the ceiling.

"I see," Yuki finally said. "But Artukei, you're **not** a nice guy."

"Huh?" I turned to her, worriedly. "I'm not?" I asked, sounding wounded. _It was the maid bit. I knew I shouldn't have done it!_

Yuki shook her head and then smiled brightly. "No. You're a **great** guy. You're considerate, generous, accommodating, respectful, and you have an energy about you that just makes people feel… so alive." She reached over and put her hand on mine, looking into my eyes tenderly. "You're a gentleman; a knight in shining armor. And I guy like you could get any girl he wanted. So if you have feelings for someone, don't let anything stop you." Then she squeezed my hand tightly. "Not even yourself."

I blushed a little. No-one had ever said anything like that to me before. Not even my mom. I tried to smile, but ended up glancing back at the ground as I felt something stinging the back of my eyes. Then suddenly without warning, Yuki quickly leaned over and gave my cheek a warm kiss. I felt my whole body turn bright red as I looked away completely. She giggled and I turned back, holding the back of my neck and smiling shyly. "Kawaii," she murmured.

The next day, I edited out the footage of Makoto before I posted the video online. However, I kept it on my hard drive for personal enjoyment. Hey. I'm a nice guy, not a saint.

**(End Chapter 5)**


End file.
